"No girls allowed." That's what the sign said, propped up against the opening of my son's makeshift fort. He was curled up in there with his Chromebook, a lamp and a bowl of snacks. He was in his "boy cave", not to be disturbed under any circumstances. The sign was directed at me, obviously. I'm the … [Read more...]
Made From Scratch Vs. Out Of The Box
I think all kids are a bit weird about food. Mine was particularly weird about food the other day. He asked me where black toast comes from. I told him that's what happens when you burn breakfast. It was a weird question,so I had to ask where it was coming from. "Well, mommy," he said, "the duck … [Read more...]
Why My Kid Is My Life Coach
Some people go to great lengths to find a life coach: someone who really understands and can help focus them to achieve their goals. I feel like I'm at a crossroad in my life and I was thinking I could use some coaching. What I realized was that I really don't need to look any further than my own … [Read more...]
Grocery Shopping Alone: How Parenting Has Changed Me
The evidence was staring me right in the face. Parenting has changed me. It’s not just that I can’t respond to a question with “Everything is awesome” without getting that stupid song stuck in my head. Under “Things Mom Likes To Do For Fun” on his mother’s day questionnaire, my son wrote “My … [Read more...]
Hoarders: The Pediatric Edition
It is a scientific fact that you can tell your child 500 times to clean his room and he will not hear you, but he will definitely hear the crinkle of a bag of potato chips opened surreptitiously after bedtime. I look at his bedroom and am struck by the thought that housekeeping skills just might be … [Read more...]
Where’s My Mother Of The Year Award?
It’s award show season and I’m just a teeny bit fed up of the red carpet. Maybe I’m just jealous because mine is only red in splotches from fruit punch. Maybe I’m waiting on my Mother of the Year award, like Susan Lucci and her Emmy all those years ago. It will probably take me 18 years to win that … [Read more...]
Mom For Hire: My Mommy Resume
I have been working for the same organization for the last ten years, so I haven’t spent a lot of time creating resumes. I wondered aloud about what I would put on my mommy resume to showcase the many skills I have acquired when I'm not trapped in a cubicle. Excellent stakeholder … [Read more...]
Terrorist Negotiations And Spaghetti Squash
Not negotiating with terrorists seemed reasonable until I went and had a baby. As an infant, my son would hold hostage my bedtime. His witching hour was around 2 am, which gave me the illusion of a dilemma between watching Extreme Makeover again or early morning infomercials. Some of the products … [Read more...]
She Lies To Me: A Parenting Anthem
Sometimes I think about what the soundtrack of my parenting. I admit that some days it would be that 54-40 hit, She Lies To Me. I always swore that I would never lie to my children. My parents lied to us a lot. My sister's Halloween candy went missing, consumed by the dog (who carefully unwrapped … [Read more...]
My Child, Expert Curator Of Embarrassment
As consumers of technology we are used to having information curated for us based on our preferences and browsing history. This ensures the most relevant products and articles are made available. My child is a curator of sorts himself. Normally, he specializes in the curation of embarrassing … [Read more...]