After more than a month of being in the US for work I knew I had to go home. Even if just for a weekend, I needed to sit down with Dan and sort this out. So, I took Friday off, booked a ticket and went straight from the airport to our old apartment where I planned to meet Dan for our big talk.I had … [Read more...]
My Time Alone.
In my last post I told you about transitioning to life after separation. I was heading back to the US for my first business trip since leaving Dan and I was looking forward to a little space between me and my messy life. Most people here had no idea what was going on in my personal life and I liked … [Read more...]
The Bed I Made.
In my last post I had just left my marriage. At the time I felt a combination of relief, hope, fear and loneliness. Dan and I had been through so much and I still cared about him a lot but I needed some space. The one thing I thought I knew for sure in the jumble of all of this was that I couldn't … [Read more...]
Separation.
Last week I went back to the early days of my marriage and told you how it all started. This week I will continue my story:As the cab drove me home from the airport I was shaking. I knew I had to face Dan but I also knew my liberation meant heartbreak for my best friend. I had called him as I was … [Read more...]
Infidelity. How it all began.
Two years into our marriage my relationship with Dan was as it had always been - best friends. We never fought because best buds rarely do. We spent a lot of time with our old friends. In fact, not much had really changed at all. There were times when I tried to talk with Dan about what was missing … [Read more...]
It’s My Life.
You may hate me. I am surprised but I really don't care if you do. I used to. A lot. Which is part of the reason my life was hell. I was trying so hard to get everyone's approval. But I'm not anymore and it is so damn liberating.I have done a ton of therapy and continue to reveal and examine parts … [Read more...]
What I know.
When I write here there are often strong reactions. When I share my situation, my mistakes and my feelings many people get angry. In fact, it can feel a bit like they have rallied the town together, armed with torches and pitchforks and in a wild frenzy they begin their witchhunt. And I am the … [Read more...]
This Year.
For a year I poured my heart and soul out here at Dirty Little Secrets on UrbanMoms. This past year was one of reflection, honesty, and fantasy. Of heartache, shame, and recovery. It was scandalous and it was tragic. It was the story of my life as I saw it. And maybe, sometimes, as I wanted it to … [Read more...]
Manipulation.
Things finally blew up with Joel. One evening after the kids were in bed I decided we couldn't go on like this anymore. We hadn't spoken more than pleasantries for ages and when I tried to pin him down he would get up and leave saying, "just get better" as he walked away. I followed him around … [Read more...]
Strength.
Well, the honeymoon is over. The peaceful days after my release from the hospital are gone as I have been gradually weaned off most of my meds. That numb oblivion has been replaced by my harsh reality. I am coming back to the realization that my life is a mess and I have no idea how to fix it. But … [Read more...]