Here’s a little about me and how my new gig here started:
We weren’t getting regular posts at DLS so I thought it was time to throw my hat in the ring. Plus, I was so sick of Lyla’s story and I knew it was time to tell my own. Her dramatic, Harlequinesque tale of passion and woe made my stomach turn. My apologies to the author but I just couldn’t take it anymore. So, here I am doing something I never thought I would do. I am telling you a story, my story, a real, true story of infidelity.
For the sake of this blog I will be “Amy”. Obviously, I am not but I always liked that name so now I get my chance. Here are a few requests; please don’t comment “your husband might find out!” or “what about your poor kids?”. I’ve got it covered thank you very much. Also, I know there will be anger and judgment but if we could keep the discussion as open minded as possible it would be much more productive. I don’t expect you to like what I have to say but I do think we can all learn from each other.
So, here’s my story. I am your neighbour, your friend, the mom you chat with over coffee. I am a 44 year old mother of 3, I am attractive but not drop-dead gorgeous, I have a good job, a house in an urban neighbourhood in Toronto and I have been married for 21 years to a great guy. I have lots of friends, a close family. I am very content with my life. I love my husband and I always have. We are partners and the best of friends. We love our children and share a similar philosophy on raising them. I want to grow old with my husband. I have no interest in changing that.
I have had 5 affairs over the course of our relationship.
I imagine you are thinking that is impossible to love my husband and be with another man. Yet I do and I have. Probably you are questioning what kind of a mother I am or role model to my children. Yet my kids are confident and well adjusted and, just like the details of many things in their parents’ lives, this is irrelevant.
It is important for me to say that I am merely telling my story. I am not professing that this is the way you should live or that “you would be so much happier if…” I don’t know you so how can I say? But the relationships I have had with these wonderful men have been a gift and I would not change that. Just like new friends or colleagues, these men have given me something wonderful and added to my life. I believe that my affairs have helped my marriage, not hurt it. They have added clarity to my life and given me great joy that I have, in turn, passed on to others.
I know that in our society today it is hard to wrap our heads around this without judgment. We are taught and told and reinforced over and over again that monogamy is the key to happiness. That finding that “true love” or “The One” is the ultimate goal and an achievable one. But I disagree. I think that this has, in fact, created a major issue. The idea – no, the expectation – that one person can meet every single one of our needs is killing marriage and creating a society of seriously unhappy and unrealistic people.
I guess that is as good an intro as any. I am open to your questions and prepared, I think, for the rest. I will post here when I can and when I am inspired to do so by questions or comments or events in my life that I think will shed some light. I am no Lyla. What I am hoping to achieve is to enlighten people and show that, just like anyone, we all make choices. And these are mine.