To Build a Home

Just press play – then read.

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You might have heard this song before (it’s not new) – it was used on Grey’s Anatomy, probably sometime in last few years or so. (I hardly watch network television anymore it seems, but I’m sure I recall it being used during a “trailer” or something.) I actually thought it was a Coldplay tune – something about this slow, dramatic piano, and the tone and phrasing of the singer, had me certain it was Chris Martin. (I wasn’t paying close enough attention.) But a dear and darling friend of mine turned me onto The Cinematic Orchestra earlier this year, which is a very cool project that infuses jazz, and electronica, and uses a DJ for introducing samples and stuff… and as this song came into my ears and I listened more closely, I realised the featured singer was Montreal’s own Patrick Watson. Pretty damned cool! It’s on the Ma Fleur album, which is delicious indeed – check it out sometime.

Looking at the blue sky through what was your perfectly good ceiling, for weeks on end, does nothing to make a lady feel happy or hopeful.

Anyway, the romantic, yet melancholy feeling of this tune has been in my mind quite a lot lately, as we’ve been finishing up this renovation… the home stretch always seems to take the l o n g e s t time. One feels so anxious to just get it all done, so one can go back to the life one is used to living. Like being able to draw cabinet drawers aaaall the way open again. Or being able to shower in the morning because there aren’t workmen on scaffolding outside all your windows. Or being able to pull up the protective cardboard that’s been taped to the floor for months. Putting your dishes away… I tell you, it’s the little things.

I’ve been giving thought as to why this anxiety can be such a real thing, and for me, I realise it’s because of how much my home means to me. It’s a reflection of me – of my tastes, about how our family works, and about what we do here. And when it’s all undone for some time… I feel undone. Quite undone, as a matter of fact. And I don’t always realise how heavy the affects of renovation can be until they’re over, when you’re attempting to put your life back together again, so to speak. But, this is all relative, I know.

There is a house built out of stone
Wooden floors, walls and window sills
Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust
This is a place where I don’t feel alone
This is a place where I feel at home

And, hey – we didn’t have a house fire. We didn’t lose things in a flood or anything… the roof didn’t cave in. This renovation was purely for whole-house maintenance purposes, and it was high time. But whoa, le. Looking at the blue sky through what was your perfectly good ceiling, for weeks on end, does nothing to make a lady feel happy or hopeful. Delays, set-backs, problems, bad service… all these things ever do is help compile a big, fat, non-refundable ticket to Crazy Town – board the bus here, please.

Delays, set-backs, problems, bad service… all these things ever do is help compile a big, fat, non-refundable ticket to Crazy Town.

I’m in my kitchen, where I spend many of my waking hours of the day, and I’m sighing like Rose Castorini because the colour is… wrong. The Wrongingest of Wrongs. And yes I did make every effort to select the right shade of paint, but I am not satisfied. I cannot live with it, but I’m determined not to freak out about when we can fix it… before the holidays is NOT an option. But I will not rehang any pictures or prints in here… and it’s time to get ready for Christmas right now. Ack.

I suppose if there’s an upside to upheaving many of your things, it’s you then have opportunity to sort, purge, and put back once again. Though I know my armoires will need to be emptied yet again before we repaint, I am happy about my recent edits – reshaping the stuff on the shelves is a satisfying practice to me, and one I don’t do often, though I really should. We all should. Refreshing your stuff once is a while is a good thing – keeps a person from getting too stagnant. Especially for those of us who aren’t particularly good with change. *ahem*

It’s blue in here, just like my mood… but it’s just paint. I will put up the chic and lovely tree I have stashed in the basement, and I will be cheerful, dammit. I will whip out my (decorative) balls, and get my happy on, tout de suite, but I will be looking to make it better as soon as possible.

And I built a home
for you
for me

Because my insides still don’t feel right at all… and there’s nothing that can be done about that incorrect feeling until you correct it just paint right over it.

All will be well soon, I hope!

PS – Isn’t that song, To Build a Home just gorgeous? Makes me cry… in the good way.

Are you working on making your house a home right now? How’s it going?!