As I left Dr. C’s office my head was spinning. I was raw with emotion and completely exhausted. I sat for a long time across the street at a little park, blindly staring as the world went on around me. I felt so alone and confused and empty. I yearned for someone to hold me and soothe me, to tell me it would all be OK. I longed for someone to love me.
Time passed and I found myself walking. Moving ever faster toward the only person who could give me what I longed for. As I walked toward Jackson’s apartment I knew what I was doing was wrong and unfair. I knew that it was against everything I was working toward. I knew that going to Jackson would only make things harder on both of us in the long run. But, at that moment, I didn’t care. I felt so broken and the only person who could help me feel whole again, who could help me pick myself back up and go on, was the one person I should stay away from.
I walked up to the door without hesitation and knocked. I could hear the mumbling of music from inside and movement as he got up and made his way to the door. For a fleeting moment I felt doubt and hesitation but before I could make a move to leave, the door opened and there stood Jackson.
My heart beat faster as I looked up into his eyes and tears began to run down my cheeks. Neither of us made a sound. Then Jackson moved toward me and slowly, gently wiped the tears from my face. Without a word he reached for me, moving me inside.
Once the door shut behind us everything is a blur. I remember Jackson’s arms enveloping me, his familiar scent and warmth releasing the burden of my loneliness. As I looked up into his beautiful face I saw my pain and longing reflected in his eyes. At that moment every bit of strength and perspective I had gained was a distant memory. My love for him was all I knew.
I reached up, cupping his face in my hands, and gently kissed his sad eyes. He sighed deeply, surrendering to my touch. With increasing longing I found his full lips with my own and held on to him in desperation. I was consumed by an urgent need for him. I was overcome by an almost frantic, all consuming desire. We moved in response to this frenzied hunger, a yearning for something far beyond the physical. A passion, a craving for something we both so desperately needed.
At that moment, while I was with him, none of my sadness or self-doubt or confusion could permeate. I was whole and complete.
I say go for it Lyla! Cupid will be most offended if you do not accept wholeheartedly this gift from the Gods. Lust is no longer a deadly sin, not the last time I checked in with the daily news, no one has died from it lately.
I propose that eventually she will realize that her husband is the right guy for her to form a family around and this will be a sweet secret that she will tell no one – she already has told thousands of Urbanmoms – but we promise we won’t tell, right!
You can’t dismiss someone’s feelings and question them. This is how she feels and we should respect that without question. Passion is a wonderful thing and, although, I wish she felt the passion at home, she’s “comfortable” telling us that her passion is with Jackson. Don’t get me wrong, I’m judging her too, but her feelings shouldn’t be questioned. She feels love and she’s feeling loved, no question about that 🙂
This is so sad. She seems so lonely and desperate. I do get the impression that maybe more time has gone by than we realize from the blog. But I also think there are different stages of love. I think she believes she loves Jackson because of the way she feels when she is with him. Love evolves over time but I don’t think it makes how she feels any less real. Just a bit pathetic, I guess.
My love for him was all I knew – what???? Your love for him? You barely know him. I get that you are having mind blowing sex but can someone really feel such deep love for someone you have not yet had the experiences with that create love? This is such a lesson for anyone considering an affair. Forget rose coloured glasses, more like sex tinted glasses.