I think Anthony, the blue Wiggle, is mailing in his performances… and truth be told, I don’t think he can be trusted.
Like most of you, I’m sure, the Wiggles have become a mainstay in my home. We are the proud owners of 6 Wiggles DVDs, 1 plush Jeff, 1 plush Sam, 4 books, 2 sticker books, 1 Henry the Octopus hat/headband, 3 CDs and a variety of other Wiggles swag.
Needless to say, we are doing out part to help Australia’s biggest export make their homeland proud.
But, the more I see them and study their every move in an attempt to one day duplicate their magic and make myself rich in the process, the more I question how committed Anthony is to his work.
Here’s what I’ve noticed.
Arguments re: Anthony Mailing It In
- I never see Anthony singing. It’s true. Watch for yourself.
- Anthony is supposed to be the one playing the drums, and yet he is never drumming in sync with the music. This leads me to believe his instrumentation is dubbed… dubbed people!
- During the song “Do the Monkey,” when the Wiggles implore the audience to “jump to the front and back,” Anthony only jumps to the front and never to the back.
- In his interactions with Captain Feathersword, Anthony always seems to mess up his lines… as if he is letting some behind-the-scenes animosity between him and the Captain impact his professionalism.
- When Jeff needs to wake up, Anthony doesn’t yell as loud as the other Wiggles. It’s almost as if Anthony knows something the other Wiggles don’t about why Jeff keeps falling asleep.
- I don’t actually believe Anthony thinks fruit salad is yummy yummy. At best, I bet he thinks it is just yummy.
- When the Wiggles wave their fingers in the air at the start of every show, Anthony waves his fingers with a little less vim and vinegar than the other boys. I think I have even seen him roll his eyes.
- He doesn’t even bother colouring his gray hair anymore.
Arguments re: Anthony Can’t Be Trusted
- In the cartoon book, Wiggly Space Adventure, Jeff accidentally falls asleep and floats off into space (surprise surprise). Anthony is the one who rockets out to save him, but in the subtext of the story, I think there is a moment of hesitation, where Anthony considers letting Jeff float away in the hopes of getting an additional 8% royalty from there being one less Wiggle to contend with.
- Anthony has shifty eyes. The kind of eyes you’d expect to see in a wall painting that is mysteriously watching people in a haunted house.
In a few weeks, I will have the opportunity to confirm my suspicions when my wife, Pea and I attend the Wiggles, live in concert. I will be watching Anthony closely, and I tell you this now, I am not afraid to boo that blue bugger if he doesn’t give it 110%.
PS – Not really sure who’s more excited for this show… me or Pea.