Last Saturday I joined Weight Watchers (I know, again!). In fact, that’s how this blog got started and where the title – Losing It! – came from in the first place. See, way back in May 2006 I joined Weight Watchers and started blogging about it. I faithfully chronicled my weight loss journey, dropping over 50 pounds in total and reveling in being thin, healthy and, most importantly, in control. And for the most part, over the next two years, I maintained that loss, or remained within about 10 pounds of it. I thought that I had finally done it. Lost the weight for good. Found the healthy medium. Conquered the beast.
Last Saturday when I stepped on the scale at Weight Watchers, I found myself a mere 11 pounds away from my original weight way back in May 2006. And although I’m grateful that I didn’t gain it all back, I’m very unhappy to report that I have crested the rise I never thought to see again – the 200-pound-mark. I know that I’ll be back in “one-derland” again in a week or two; I was only 6.4 pounds over, after all, but it’s the principle that bothers me. You see, I promised myself I would never let myself get fat again. NEVER. But I wasn’t able to keep that promise to myself, and when the rubber really hit the road, I let myself go (but I called it “coping” and “being kind to myself”) and here we are again.
But, whatever. In the end, one thing I know from the last time is that you have to be able to forgive yourself and move on. Otherwise the cycle just continues and you continue to pig out and gain weight because even you think you suck, so why not eat that bag of chips…it makes you feel good and anyway you’re already fat so why not? And so on.
So here I am. Back at Weight Watchers. Back on Losing It! Back “out”, so to speak, with my actual weight. Because if I don’t talk about it publicly, I won’t stick to it. If I don’t put it out there and own up to it and hold myself accountable for it, I’ll be back in the living room drinking red wine and eating dry Froot Loops by the handful and calling it “coping”.
Here we go.