Last Saturday I joined Weight Watchers (I know, again!). In fact, that’s how this blog got started and where the title – Losing It! – came from in the first place. See, way back in May 2006 I joined Weight Watchers and started blogging about it. I faithfully chronicled my weight loss journey, dropping over 50 pounds in total and reveling in being thin, healthy and, most importantly, in control. And for the most part, over the next two years, I maintained that loss, or remained within about 10 pounds of it. I thought that I had finally done it. Lost the weight for good. Found the healthy medium. Conquered the beast.
HA!
Last Saturday when I stepped on the scale at Weight Watchers, I found myself a mere 11 pounds away from my original weight way back in May 2006. And although I’m grateful that I didn’t gain it all back, I’m very unhappy to report that I have crested the rise I never thought to see again – the 200-pound-mark. I know that I’ll be back in “one-derland” again in a week or two; I was only 6.4 pounds over, after all, but it’s the principle that bothers me. You see, I promised myself I would never let myself get fat again. NEVER. But I wasn’t able to keep that promise to myself, and when the rubber really hit the road, I let myself go (but I called it “coping” and “being kind to myself”) and here we are again.
But, whatever. In the end, one thing I know from the last time is that you have to be able to forgive yourself and move on. Otherwise the cycle just continues and you continue to pig out and gain weight because even you think you suck, so why not eat that bag of chips…it makes you feel good and anyway you’re already fat so why not? And so on.
So here I am. Back at Weight Watchers. Back on Losing It! Back “out”, so to speak, with my actual weight. Because if I don’t talk about it publicly, I won’t stick to it. If I don’t put it out there and own up to it and hold myself accountable for it, I’ll be back in the living room drinking red wine and eating dry Froot Loops by the handful and calling it “coping”.
Here we go.
Again.
k-mom and Candace: welcome to urbanmoms.ca and thank you both for your comments. I look forward to you both joining me on this journey, and I also look forward to your thoughts and comments in the weeks and months to come. Thanks! Kath
Kath,
I just started reading your columns the last few weeks. You are a very gifted writer, and some of the things that you said about your Mom will stay with me forever. (My mom got melanoma this year, and though she is doing well now, I am having trouble with learning to take it one day at a time and find myself up in the middle of the night worrying about stats like the 50% chance she will not be with us in 5 years.) Through this ordeal; the birth of my daughter and the attendant lack of sleep; the loss of both my husband’s and my careers; and the start of a new business, I too have been “coping” and I find myself filled with disgust and feelings of worthlessness that I have gone from 105 pounds to 170 in the last 5.5 years. People do cope differently, however. While I wish that I was one of those people who stopped eating when I was stressed, I am not. You DO have to forgive yourself, and love yourself anyways. I am now trying, as well, with a walk a day to start and some healthier choices. I find what helps me is to focus on health, wellness and energy right now, as opposed to weight. I will not be able to focus on weight and feel good for many, many pounds…
Congrats on going back to WW, Kath! You have done it before and you will get back to goal again. You’ve had so much stress and sadness this past year, be good and forgiving to yourself….there’s only so much you can worry about at one time. I’m also on this same journey of weight loss, and derive so much encouragement from your writing. Thanks for being so open!
Hi Kath,
I am new to this site but felt inspired to comment on your renewed efforts. Like you, I am back in overweight territory after losing it all once before in the past. Like you, I am seeing numbers on the scale that I PROMISED myself I would not see again. Like you, I am a mom of 2 and taking care of myself is hard sometimes.
Anyway, I will be following you and cheering you on, as I also try to get rid of the weight again once and for all! Go for it!
You had a really tough year so forgiveness is a must! I will be joining you in Sept., back at WW. It will be my 3rd time joining. When I stopped last winter I was only 8 lbs away from my goal weight. When I re-join my target will now be 15 lbs, as I have gained back 7 lbs from Jan. to now. So I will re-join & hopefully nip it in my butt (but for me it’s really the tummy) before I gain any more.
The great thing is that you did it once so you know you can do it again! And definitely forgive yourself. This has been the toughest year and it only makes sense that we would all revert back to our comfort zones for coping.
Keep us posted. Go Kath!
I think it’s great that you’re willing to be so open about your struggle with your weight. It must be frustrating to have to start all over again; I’ll be cheering you on too!
Good on ya! I’ve seen you do it with great success before, so I know you are up for the challenge this time around, too! I’ll be cheering you on… 🙂