I walked into Dr. C's office and after our initial how are you's I decided to dive right in. I knew I would lose my courage if I waited too long."I have something I need to tell you." I blurted out."Please do." Dr. C responded calmly, knowingly."I am having an affair. I mean, I am in love … [Read more...]
Selfish.
There was never any doubt that I was being selfish. I have known this from the start. I guess it was, in part, because I felt owed. I wanted something more for myself. I felt that our lives revolved around Joel and the life he always wanted so I thought it was my time to even things out. It is not … [Read more...]
Thursdays.
Jackson and I meet every Thursday at 2pm at his apartment. This is a day and time when I am meant to be "running errands" so I know no one will miss me. It has become my beacon. It is what keeps me feeling real and gets me out of bed every day. It is what inspires me to hope and to move forward and … [Read more...]
That Night.
The Hospital fundraiser was everything Joel hoped it would be and more. There was networking, and socializing and I was his perfect accessory; elegant, intelligent, and able to entertain myself. The whole night I felt outside myself. Who was this person? How had I spent so many years believing this … [Read more...]
Wife.
As I pulled into the driveway of my home I started to realize the enormity of what I had done. I had crossed a line and could never go back. I was suddenly feeling far less confident about my choice, my clarity and commitment were suddenly lost in a haze of insecurity and self-doubt. But this … [Read more...]
After.
I knew I would feel this way. I was prepared. I chose this. But, somehow actually feeling it is way worse. I hate myself but at the same time I am renewed and happy. Who does what I have done? Who makes a conscious decision to destroy their family? Who ever really chooses themselves?I feel little … [Read more...]