“Don’t mess with her,” reads the caption.
In the picture, a delicate baby girl sleeps, with older brothers of varying ages surrounding her, putting on their toughest faces. Adorable, right? Well, it is, until you really ponder it.
I know what you’re thinking. “It’s just a cute photo, do we have to be offended by everything?” No, I’m not clutching my pearls at this photo. I’m not “triggered.” I do get the humour meant by it…I just don’t like it.
Image via Pinterest
Can’t she say “Don’t mess with ME”? What about when the youngest boy was born—where was the photo of the older brothers saying “Don’t mess with him”? I have two boys, and I expect them to look after themselves and each other as much as they would a sister. I’d expect a daughter to look after them too. But yes, I suppose I could be reading into what is considered just a cute photo. It just rubs me the wrong way.
However, the “frequent share” that really does make me see red whenever it comes across my screen is the so-called hilarious dad shirt with the rules for dating his daughter. Highlights include, “I’m everywhere, “She’s my princess, not your conquest,” and “Whatever you do to her, I will do to you.” Also included: threats of violence, the suggestion to get a lawyer, and the proclamation that Dad is not afraid to go back to jail. Get that, future boyfriends? Dad owns her, not you. She’s HIS. And since she can’t possibly be trusted to create boundaries for herself (not that you would respect them anyway), he’ll keep you from her by any means necessary. Hi-larious. That totally sends an empowering message to young women about their rights to their own bodies and the value of their autonomy. The best way to raise a woman who will stand up for herself against a controlling partner is obviously to dominate them as much as possible.
Image via My Father Daughter Store
I really hate that shirt. A lot. I make sure I comment about how much I hate that shirt and why whenever my friends share it. I’m super fun at parties.
Of course, some parents might choose to avoid the need for the Gospel according to T-Shirt altogether. Today I saw a onesie on a baby girl that said, “I’m not allowed to date ever.” Well, that solves that. Although, it probably puts a damper on that six-month-old’s romantic plans for the weekend. Of course, if her parents do decide to let her date, now or when she grows enough hair to escape that tower in the woods, there are plenty of eligible infant males out there. At least that’s the conclusion I draw based on the multitude of “chick magnet” and “stud muffin” onesies I see out there for boys.
But amongst all this cutesy sexism, a beacon of light arose. It appeared on my screen, shining like the sun, bursting with rays of rationality. It was a t-shirt, on a dad. Another list of rules for dating his daughter. But this one read, “I don’t make the rules. You don’t make the rules. She makes the rules. Her body, her rules.”
Huzzah! So, a woman can define her own boundaries and make her own decisions about her own life and body? In the great words of the wise Phoebe Buffay, “This is brand new information!”
Here’s an idea—instead of teaching young girls that they must look to the men in their lives to protect them, to make the rules, and to set the standards for them, how about we try letting them know they are capable of looking after themselves. Their rights begin and end with them. Guide them, don’t control them. Empower them, don’t overpower them. They can take care of themselves.
And please, burn the shirt.
A lot of you need to see therapists. The fact that shirts and jokes make you livid to the point of blog is entertaining. All I see is angry women who don’t want to take accountability for their uncontrolled emotions. I say this as a woman. If you are a mother and believe your husband,father, and sons are potential rapists then please seek counseling. Men do not stop women from getting an education , father’s do not claim to own their daughters the way you claim to own a pet. There is no patriarch society, your husband and father are not on cahoots to keep you from reaching your full potential, your husband and father are not preying on your children ( and if you even feel that they are then you are a shitty mother for even allowing such a predicament in the first .) You can not claim to be empowered if you are constantly finding excuses to be angry at men. Especially the men who love and support you. If you find a way to twist my words around to fit your man hating agenda then again I hope you seek counseling to soothe whatever emotional or chemical imbalance you have.
It’s a shirt. If your daughters ( I have one as well ) don’t know they have control over there own bodies and futures then you, yourself are just a terrible parent. No emotions behind it just facts. Stop letting emotions get the best of you and use your brain to think logically. Once you live off of facts instead of emotions, and taking accountability for your own actions instead of what everyone else should do to make your life better…. You’ll live a more enjoyable life. You can easily attain a happier life by again seeking a therapist, eating healthy, exercising, and taking control of your emotions.
Dads do think they own their daughters- one such example, I got engaged, the guy didn’t ask for my fathers permission- which is one of those pieces of evidence that Dads think they own their daughters…
I’m not even close to my Dad, from my early teen years I’ve only seen him about once or twice a year-, but as I was handing out STD cards at a family function, he in front of the whole family got on the guy’s case about not asking him, and made him ask right there… and said no.
This is mostly because he had a bruised ego that he hadn’t been asked before I said yes. His intent of course, was to make my future husband plead for my Dad’s permission to marry me- like somehow my decision on who I want to marry doesn’t matter as much as my fathers. Like he had a right to berate my future husband in front of the whole family for in essence, stealing something.
If you don’t see the problem, you aren’t paying attention. Asking for a father’s permission to ask for a woman’s hand in marriage is because fathers think they own their daughters. It’s a tradition stemming from treating women as PROPERTY.
We don’t need therapists just because you refuse to see the issue. You’re right, you can easily attain a happier life by living your life by the adage “Ignorance is bliss”. It doesn’t mean it’s not an issue based in facts. Your emotions lead you to want to sweep things under the rug so you can feel happy.
The shirt, turns out, is more than a shirt. Text exists to express meaning. If it was on a letter sent to a boy interested in the daughter, is it just paper?
My more enjoyable life exists in a place where I know our nations daughters will be better off than we are.
Kendra…
many in the reading audience, actually think that you are a man.. This is a typical practice of mr. Your comment is down putting, and scornful to women and girls.
.Please teach yourself how to respect women and girls.
I don’t believe the author called all men rapists. If anything the traditional behaviour of men when any mention of their daughters one day dating / having a sex life implies that these men believe all men are potential rapids
Men…dads do not oen their daughters. Speak up mothers and wives. Stop letting your husband have all the say. Are you afraid?? Tell him to find your son and teach him not to rape or sexually harass. .
Pretty sure you are missing the point of the shirt entirely. This shirt is made in gest… I like to call it an “inside joke for Dads who have daughters.” I wouldn’t expect a woman to totally understand it. Here is another idea….. How about celebrate the Dad who is actually engaged in his daughters life and has the heart of protection, rather than being completely absent. Missing Dad’s is one of the scourges of our society. This shirt has been shipped to 70 countries around the world. And there are hundreds of thousands females who absolutely love it.
Please see the heart behind it….. you think you know…. but I can promise you that you have missed it completely. Have you take any time to read the blogs that appear on the website where the shirt exists? Take a moment and look beyond the shirt…. There is so much you are not seeing.
I call bullshit. A man just cannot do this to their daughter and then tell us women to understand what his intent is or how he’s feeling !! Everything is not about the man’s or the dad’s ego.
What the f? We are tired of this patriarchal control and dominance. Men just can’t do this any longer, Its a new day men. Stop this shit about owning the daughter. She is a female and she wants and needs privacy from you. There are things you as a dad should not discuss with her or see or be a part of, with her body. She needs privacy dad. Her mother should be the one out front in her guidance.
Anyway, you know why some females like the shirt, it’s because they have been taught and conditioned. Some man in her family dominated her mother and taught them both, toworship men!!
I agree with your observations. I have a 12 year old and a 9 year old and they are taught they have their rights and others have to respect them. I like to think that I have empowered them to be able to stand up for themselves and not to let others tell them what they can and cannot do with their bodies.
I’m a man, what guys say to each other is fucked especially in this society of porn that degrades women etc. . You can have an opinion I guess but it’s an ignorant one. Men are pigs, Those boys in the pictures are being raised to respect women…
How is it ignorant?
Absolutely. Well stated. Hopefully this generation will understand that.
take a chill pill woman
You are right on with your observations! Very well observed – and said.