Mom For Hire: My Mommy Resume

I have been working for the same organization for the last ten years, so I haven’t spent a lot of time creating resumes. I wondered aloud about what I would put on my mommy resume to showcase the many skills I have acquired when I’m not trapped in a cubicle. 

Excellent stakeholder engagement

Engages in meaningful consultation on matters not based in law and policy. For example, blue versus green pyjamas and flavour of tooth paste. Client feedback includes “amazing” and “my mommy is better than your mommy.” Maintains positive relationships with advocacy focused agencies like indulgent grandparents without compromising the privacy of the party they represent.

Creative problem solving 

Invents exclusive special events to mitigate lack of progress in laundry like “crazy sock day”.  Able to deliver school projects in support of events such as ‘100^th Day of School’ with little to no notice. When particularly fancy, employs cookie cutters to make sandwiches more elegant, in the spirit of making use of hours and hours spent on Pinterest.

Salesmanship

Able to convince a disgruntled child that a sandwich cut with a cookie cutter to make it appear more elegant tastes identical to one that has not been so altered. Describes product line including but not limited to broccoli, brussell sprouts and green beans in language that generates excitement. Effectively relays details of customer loyalty programs based on stars of varying colours to improve overall compliance with initiatives like potty training and chores. Integrated the feedback of more experienced colleagues while convincing a particularly difficult customer that curry is “gravy for your rice.”

Delegation 

Effectively assigns age appropriate tasks to ensure the overall mission of a safe, sanitary working environment is achieved with equitable distribution of labour.

Tact and diplomacy

Provides constructive feedback on the quality of work performed by subordinates. Consults other professionals in the field via social media for their solutions to common problems. Does not internalize judgmental feedback that calls into questions personal attributes like intelligence and suitability to raise a child, using the block button judiciously with a view to ensuring future harmonious play dates.

Empathy

Kisses booboos, gingerly applies bandages featuring licensed characters and provides post-nightmare debriefings. Listens intently to descriptions of mythical creatures under the bed and closet and provides expert advice on vanquishing them. Holds hands during vaccinations, while explaining in plain language why they are necessary.

Overall, my job satisfaction as a mom is incredibly high. I have the benefit of learning from experienced mentors.  I can see the products of my efforts reflected in the eyes of my precious little boy. I have a pleasant working environment and I am recognized in a timely way for the work that I do, except for the heart shaped sandwiches that make jam taste yucky.