My baby is turning five on Monday. FIVE FREAKING YEARS OLD. Stop the damn clocks already. I need to apologize to every person whose eyes I wanted to tear from their sockets when they said that the time will fly. Okay. You were right. I’m finding it sort of unreal that the 5 pound, hairy lump with the gigantic lungs is now a big boy.
But as he grows, there are so many things that I want his soon-to-be 15 year-old self to remember about the joys of being a little kid. So, here they are, to be reviewed with him at a later date.
HEY FIFTEEN YEAR-OLD WILL!
1. May you always find fart and poop jokes as insanely funny as you do now. Never lose that ability to laugh at what you think is hilarious, even if your friends don’t agree.
2. May you always blush and get slightly nervous when you’re around girls who you have a crush on. In other words, don’t become a douche.
3. May you always love to cuddle with your mom. Maybe not up on my lap, as I’m guessing you’ll be over 6 feet…but a big hug daily will suffice.
4. May you still find new things to be gobsmacked over – maybe architecture or art will replace new playgrounds and giant bubbles, but never lose the ability to find the awesome in the everyday!
5. May you still love dogs. Because if we get one, you’ll be walking it kid.
6. May you still throw yourself on the floor and dance like a madman, just because the music hit you.
7. May you remain as chill about not having a dad as you are now. I think we’re doing okay just the two of us and your ability to just announce i.e. ‘I don’t have a dad, but I do have a fish,’ is one of your most remarkable qualities to me.
8. May you have learned that having your hands in your pants in public is really not appropriate. And may you have finally accepted ‘because it just isn’t’ as the reason why.
May you have learned that having your hands in your pants in public is really not appropriate
9. May you keep making people smile. Truth be told, 15 year-olds can have crappy attitudes. You my love, are smart, handsome and fairly awesome to be around. Don’t let that go to your head and become one of those jackass teenagers. Trust me, it’s only appealing for a few years and then it’s just annoying.
10. May you maintain your interest in travelling places and eating new foods. I didn’t travel much or even know what sushi was until my twenties. Your curiosity will serve you very well. I promise to sell 800 boxes of grapefruits if you want to go to Greece with your band class in high school.
11. May you still love to go to school and take an interest in new things. Just a heads up, I’m going to be tough on you at school. I’ve said it before but a major in partying and a minor in hangover remedy won’t get you too far. Take my word for it.
12. May you remember that every weekend you woke me up at some godforsaken early hour. Now you understand why I don’t care that you’re tired and don’t want to get up on a Saturday…. Been there kid. Revenge is sweet.
13. May you remember that I love you. As much at 15 as I did at 5. I may not smother you with kisses because you’re too cool now, but I want to, even when you’re being a jackass. See #2 and #9.
I’m sure there are a slew of other tidbits that I’ll come up with as the next ten years flies by. I wish I could slow it all down so we could both enjoy it (except for the tantrum parts – you kill me with those). How are you five?