We’re midway through our Jamaican vacation! It’s like a great novel! There are ups, downs, twists and turns! There are foreign languages! Nudity! High drama!
Okay, this maybe slightly overstated but I have learned a few things! (The deep learnings will come later, and there have been some!). So here are a few.
1. In about 40 years, there will be old age homes filled with the crappiest tattoos on wrinkly skin ever. It’s shocking to me how many TERRIBLE tats I have seen over this week. People have novels written on their bodies. Many starring the Toronto Maple Leafs and Disney characters.
2. All the years watching Coronation Street and Little Britain prepared me well to understand the Brits that are here. Will should have been watching with me. I think he understood the little German girl in Florida better! (who didn’t speak English)
3. Don’t tell Jamaican men that you don’t have a baby daddy.
4. Swallowing fears don’t end when kids get older. We are still waiting for the lego piece to appear. On that note, pool water is not a laxative because this kid has drank about 10 gallons of pool water.
5. The worst part about not travelling with another adult at an all-inclusive is the lack of a people watching partner. Maybe it’s because I’m sober on this trip but WHOA the people watching is amazing!
6. If you want to get yard work done here, plant a topless European at the beach. Yesterday morning there were about 15 guys trimming the bushes overlooking the beach. Hmm. Wonder if this will work at home. I’d go topless to get free yard work.
A couple other things? Jamaican coffee is incredible. The service at the Palladium Jamaica has been really impressive. Dirty banana (enough said). The weather is insane. Gotta go! My travel partner is requesting a smoothie!