My life is a mess. It has all blown up. I am drowning. I am tired. I don’t even know where to begin.
I am so alone. And confused. I don’t think I can do this anymore. I dream of disappearing. Woosh. Gone. I don’t think about where I would go or what I would do or what would happen to those I left behind. I just think about calm. Serenity.
Sometimes I think about death but I am too much of a coward.
I look at the mess around me, the choices I have made and the people I have hurt, and I am overwhelmed by it all. Sick from it. How can it ever get better? How can I ever make it right?
I stay in bed. I can’t move. I can’t even pretend anymore. I am no longer the perfect wife and mother. Not that I ever was but now I don’t even try. I am exposed. I am a fraud and everyone knows it.
The look on Joel’s face is too much to bear.
Thanks for the article.. I have just recently found the vegan lifestyle and I love it. It seems like I just can’t take in enough information.
Kristin – I think it is a true story. I read it for the same reason I eat candy – a guilty pleasure. Look, the only reason I feel self-righteous is because regardless of what mistakes I make or stupid things I do in life, I would NEVER put anything ahead of my kids. Or make excuses for not being the best parent I can be. Because you only get one shot at it. I actually think Lyla is being a real “princess” TBH but I don’t judge her for having an extra-marital relationship – let’s face it: many of us have felt the same way but perhaps not taken that step. She clearly doesn’t love herself very much, if at all so she’s looking for that ratification elsewhere. And I really believe she needs therapy but have to wonder if she is feeling like this because she got caught?
To other readers: just out of curiousity, do you assume this is a true story? And, why do you read it or what do you get out of reading it?
I don’t believe it is true, but to be honest, I come and read it because it makes me feel self-righteous.
However, it is true, and the writer is truly considering suicide, please reach out to someone.
You are so right!
I’ve been following this for a while. I think it has been cathartic for Lyla to get this “out there” but quite honestly I have been slowly losing patience with her for some time. I don’t judge her for her affair with Jackson BUT I do judge her for not being the best mother she could be for her kids. Being detached is no excuse and now she is reaping the results of her actions. She only has herself to blame – there are plenty of wealthy women out there WHO do parent hands-on. Obviously she hasn’t been happy in her marriage for sometime and we should not crucify her for that. She needs to step up to the plate, get therapy and recognise her shortcomings. As we all must do at one time or another. It’s called being accountable and it’s the first step in her path to healing. This post sounds like she realises she’s finally been caught out , reality has crashed down around her and she’s finally realised how much she’s hurt everyone around her, including, most importantly, herself. It’s very sad that she doesn’t appear to have a sense of self and truth be told, she only has herself to blame.
choosing life, makes you anything but a coward..
It gets better, but depression hurts.. I know of what I speak..I always loved night time, couldnt wait.. night meant sleep, and not having thoughts, or having to think… sleep, sleep sleep…
Have to dig deep as you can, reach out to the one woman or man, the friend, the one no matter how much time has passed is always there for you.. and talk… talk…talk
then ask for help- and have that friend, help you find a way to take your next step
Please find a therapist, if you can’t do it for yourself atleast do it for your kids.
I’m so sorry it’s all come to a horrible head. Are you in love with Jackson? Is he the one you want to be with? Or do you just need to get out of your marriage? Whatever your answers, i hope you find some peace on this side of the chasm. I’m sorry for the pain that accompanies growth and the hurt that you are all suffering.