Dear Mother of a little boy still in diapers:
I am writing to you today with extreme concern and a horrible sadness in my heart. I fear an entire generation of young boys – including your boy – may grow up with bad hygiene and poor toilet habits. I reach out to you now, before it’s too late.
You see, there is a problem working its way through the male population in this country; a problem that I can only describe as near-epidemic. As far as I have witnessed, this problem exists in every corner of society. I’ve seen it at work, in malls, and sadly, in people’s homes.
I believe the only way to stop this horrifying problem is to catch at its point of origin: potty training.
You might be asking yourself, “What, oh wise and caring Shawn, is this problem you speak of?” My friend, it appears to me that most men have failed to learn how to properly urinate. A sad truth that no man of my generation is willing to admit. Until now.
My proof? At this very moment, in every single Men’s Room in Canada, there is pee on the floor that a grown man has chosen to put there.
That’s right. Grown men all over this country are leaving restrooms having completely missed a target that is literally inches away. They feel no remorse. No shame. No regret. And as a caring parent, I know I can count on you to work with me to help stem this tide of inconsiderate and disgusting behaviour.
I have identified several potential causes for this grossness:
1) Negative reinforcement. As young boys, learning to potty train, we were taught to aim for the Cheerio. In adulthood, when the Cheerio is no longer present, it appears many men are choosing instead to aim for the floor tiles.
2) Sleep Deprivation. Men, too tired from watching sports and crime dramas on TV, are nodding off on the job. I personally find it amazing that more men don’t exit the washroom covered in their own urine.
3) Lack of Kegel Exercises. Fat and lazy North American men cannot adequately control their bodily functions, and end up peeing uncontrollably.
4) Territoriality. Ignorant buffoons are deciding to pee on the floor in some ill-guided attempt to mark their territory. Problem is, these are public washrooms.
As the Mother of a young boy you can help stop this problem dead in its tracks. Please, teach your boys to visualize the Cheerio in the urinal, even when it isn’t there. Make sure they get enough sleep, that they eat well, and that they understand that the World is not their bathroom.
The future of my personal sanity depends on it.
I am counting on you.
Kind regards,
Shawn
Finally it is out in the open, thank you Shawn. Hopefully your blog will be read by all the guilty parties and the result will be my saving valuable time going from stall to stall looking for a dry one!
As the sole wiper-downer of the toilet rim I would say that the floor is not the only issue! There are missed targets everywhere.
And yes, Pat, I too am disgusted by what I have seen in the “Ladies”. **shudder**
Sadly, this epidemic is not confined to the men’s room. I dare not speak the horrors I come across in our “ladies” room here at work.