In a study by Philip Blumstein and Pepper Schwartz in 1983, they discovered in a random survey of of 3,498 married men, 903 had an agreement with their spouses allowing extramarital sex, or 26%. Out of 3,520 married women, 801 had an agreement with their spouses allowing extramarital sex, or 23%.
However, when the researchers asked how many of these individuals had actually engaged in extramarital sex during the previous year, the numbers dropped significantly. Of the men with “the agreement”, 24% actually engaged in extramarital sex during the previous year. That’s just 6% of married men actively involved in open marriages during the previous year. Of the married women with the same agreement, 22% actually engaged in extramarital sex during the previous year. This means about 5% of married women were actively involved in open marriages during the previous year.
Some years, we’ve been the couple with the agreement, and no action. But in those years, we still identify as having an open marriage.
Are you surprised by those numbers?
You are definitely not alone. I have had amazing sex outside of my marriage. I switch between having long loving affairs to one night stands to having group sex in which my husband is involved. I have also gone long stretchs of being celebate. I have never defined my marriage as open or closed. I have never identified as a swinger. I have had sex with women but I don’t identify as being bisexual. I don’t have a label for what I am except happy.