The Academy Awards: A Recap in 66 Lines…

In case you missed last night’s Oscars, here’s a recap from my Twitter timeline.

4:37pm from @NancyODell: Just stepped on the Oscar Red Carpet!
Me: And so it begins!

6:20pm from @stylecentsmummy: Mila kunis in lavender…
Me: I was distracted by the things that looked like her naughty bits

6:21pm  from @SharonHayes: Carry out ONE random act of kindness a day, w/no expectation of reward.
Me: Does that include telling actresses what to wear?

7:15pm Anyone else find it really weird without Barbara Walters? 

7:19pm   Omg! Helena, from the neck up, looks beautiful. And bathed! 

7:20pm   Hillary’s glowing as always 

7:22pm   Don’t you wish 14 year olds would dress like 14 year olds?

7:27pm from @theresaalbert: um have u seen 14 year olds these days? So no. I’d prefer 14 year olds to dress like 7 year olds…
Me: Fair nuff 

7:25pm   from  @jianghomeshi: Canada has just now imposed arms embargo, asset freeze on Gaddafi, family & govt. + travel ban.

7:27pm   So Christian Bale’s going with the Jeff Bridges/mountain man after a bender look tonight… 

7:30pm   Reece is rocking the b&w ’60’s swank tonight. 

7:33pm   Um…Nicole you don’t need the hip padding…

7:34pm   I see Gwyneth’s wearing her Austin Power’s outfit… 

7:40pm   or as @SusanCanLiving put it: Christian Bale? Or Yukon Cornelius? 

7:52pm   Seriously, Blanchet, what were you smoking? 

7:57pm   Love Natalie’s dress, but maybe she should invest in a hair brush… 

7:59pm   from @Filterologist: Dear followers who aren’t into, I
apologize for the mindless, snarky tweets that will flow for the next 3 hours.
Me: ditto

8:01pm   Jen Hudson also radiant in red 

8:08pm   My mom thinks Sandra looks tired and sad. 

8:11pm   Mom also thinks Timberlake’s mother needs a talking too… 

8:13pm   Mom wants to know who the short guy is with the Ginger Aussie 

8:18pm  from @HomerJSimpson: To answer every Oscar-watcher’s fav question: I’m wearing spilled Duff with splattered pasta sauce highlights. 

8:30pm   Here we go! 

8:40pm   This could go either way right now, but it’s not looking good …

8:52pm   I know I shouldn’t say this, but this is embarrassing & uncomfortable. 

8:59pm   F BOMB!!! 

9:15pm   Who’s bored? 

9:15pm   from @ebertchicago: I learned Melissa’s f-bomb was NOT bleeped in Canada. Of course, they’ve heard it before. 

9:22pm   Best part of the Oscars so far? The ad for Kung Fu Panda 2. We Will Wok You…

9:26pm   And the gloves come off (or go on) with the Charlie Sheen joke… 

9:28pm   from @35mmMonkey: I AM NOT DRUNK ENOUGH FOR THIS. 

9:37pm   from @thesulk: I always forget that Christian Bale talks like a 19th century chimney sweep.

9:40pm   Reality moment from @pmharper: Details on Canada’s sanctions against the Gadhafi regime

9:42pm  Brett says Nicole needs a sandwich and some more embalming fluid. 

9:43pm   from  @bitwhizzle: “you’re the “wolver” to my “rine”…” wow.
Me: Hurts, doesn’t it…

9:46pm   The sound, the sound, the sound of your careers dying… 

9:48pm   Mom just asked if I want some of bubbie’s old doilies to make a dress out of. Guess she doesn’t like Scarlett’s gown 

9:49pm   from @TeresaPavlinek: James Franco and Anne Hathaway have the comic timing of lettuce.   

9:56pm   “Congratulations nerds”? Great way to show some respect.   

10:03pm   Why has Kevin Spacey never hosted? He’d be great. 

10:12pm   This is like the Spider-Man musical of awards shows.   

10:17pm   We just hit a new low…

10:20pm   Kinda felt Oprah deserved a better intro. Kinda…   

10:20pm   Oprah’s false lashes are too long & clearly bothering her.

10:21pm   from @redneckmommy: Wow. Oprah’s boobs look like they could smother small children.

10:21pm   from @tinarasmussen: Oprah Boobs

10:21pm   from @meredithheron: What’s wrong with Oprah’s face/makeup?

10:22pm   from @YMC_BC: Sorry Oprah, that dress isn’t complementing your boobage

10:22pm   from @ElaineOrrMorgan: Not a flattering dress on Oprah.

10:23pm   from @jojoey: I was waiting for Oprah to give the whole audience an Oscar!

10:28pm   from @jamesfranco: Oprah!  realtime
Me: Wow, stars take crap pictures too.

10:34pm   from @Joelscottradio: Oprah’s Bra wins for best supporting everything

10:44pm   And speaking of embarrassing, here comes Gwynnie singing…   

10:47pm   Jenny’s all like, I got an Oscar and hit albums and didn’t have to show my tits… Take that Paltrow.

11:04pm   “Triangle of man love”?? 

11:05pm   “Moral of the story is listen to your mother!” Amen! 

11:25pm   Yea Mr. Darcy!!   

11:28pm   from @nowtoronto: Colin Firth’s acceptance speech is precisely as elegant, as articulate and as quietly witty as the man himself. 

11:29pm  ” I have some impulses I have to tend to backstage…”