Six years ago, my sister, Madeleine, died. That seems so surreal. She was 31. Her kids were three & one. She died of cancer, metastatic epithelial cancer, likely cervical. She was diagnosed on February 6th, 2003, our mother’s birthday. And she died on November 23rd, 2004, our father’s birthday. Who can explain that? Who can explain how she had to suffer, because she did really suffer. At first mostly emotionally, because her husband abandoned her, and then really physically, because cancer SUCKS! Madeleine’s death inspired Jen to start UrbanMoms, you can read that story here.
How can it have been that long ago that she left us?
I’ve been thinking about this post for a long time. I’ve never felt like I could write about her death before, and, really, I’m not sure I really can.
What I can say is that I miss her. Not everyday. But, a lot.
I miss her when my kids do something cute that I want to share. I miss her when her kids do something cute that she would want to share. I miss her when I look into Matthew & Ella’s (her kids) faces and see her face. I miss her when I’m playing games with M & E and think, she should be here too. I miss her when we are together as a family and M & E aren’t there, because they have other family commitments. I miss her when I have parenting questions that I would like to discuss with her. I miss her when I have personal angst that I need to share. I really missed her when my girls were born.
Honestly, I don’t really know what else to say. There are no comforting platitudes to help.
What I have, is this tribute I made for her. Please link to it, unfortunately, I cannot embed it right now.
Thanks Erin for thinking of sharing this with me. It has been quite amazing living in the Huntsville area and watching Madeleine’s children grow up without her. I remember it being important to Maddie that we remember her children after she was gone. That has been a difficult thing to do. Magically my children and her children have found eachother on their own. Matthew is in my son’s class and Ella is in my daughter’s class at school. They have formed friendships all on their own. Maddie’s guiding something up there.
Anne-Marie
Oh Erin
I have been off line all weeked but wondering how you were and then just got on to see this.
What an achingly beautiful tribute.
You are right – there are no platitudes that will help so I won’t offer anything except that there can be no doubt she could feel your love.
I am so so sorry for your loss – the huge one you felt 6 years ago and the little ones you feel each time you miss her.
Karen
That was a beautiful and very touching video Erin. Sending you hugs & love to you and your family.
Oh Erin, how moving. I am at a loss for any comforting words. All I can say is that cancer sucks, and that it took Maddy so young also sucks and is wrong. The tribute is absolutely beautiful. Love you.
Thank you everyone for your supportive words. Thankfully this day is done and I’m off to get some sleep.
Thinking of you so much today Erin. xoxo
I don’t have a lot of pretty words as I can’t begin to fathom the loss you must feel, even now six years later. Wishing you peace and comfort and sending my love across the miles to you.
Erin
Thank you for sharing this. Your pain is so well expressed here and will touch many today. I am so sorry for such a huge loss and so young. I have no sisters but daughters who find in each other best friends- so I cannot imagine the pain. thanks for sharing this today xo n
Erin,
Thanks for sharing your memories and this video with us. Life is so precious, and maybe your sister’s gift to you (and to all of us) today is that reminder. I plan on giving my own sisters an extra hug the next time I see them. And an extra hug for you the next time I see you, too.
I laughed and cried watching the video. So many amazing memories. What a wonderful tribute! I recognized my mom a bunch of times and seeing my kids when they were babies along side M & E and the whole family was wonderful.
ALL MY LOVE to you and your mom and dad and all of us who loved her.
I also posted about her here: http://www.urbanmoms.ca/moms_the_word/2010/11/gone-too-soon-a-tribute-to-maddy.html
xoxoxo
What a beautiful video. I remember when Madeleine died, as I am good friends with your cousin Katherine, and I knew that she was sick. Her death has touched my life too, and I don’t take as much for granted as I used to, because of her.
”Unable are the Loved to die For Love is Immortality.” Emily Dickinson
This is so close to my heart. My best friend died of AML almost 18 months ago after a brief 7 month fight. It is still surreal to me.
I should not have watched that video right before having to go volunteer at the kids school. Thanks so much for sharing. Now I must go compose myself.
{{BigHugs}}
Erin, that video was just beautiful. What an amazing tribute. Big hugs to you, your girls, & your family, but most of all to Maddy’s kids. Love to you all.
Oh Erin…that was the most beautiful, heartbreaking video I think I’ve ever seen. If I could see through the tears that are still flowing down my face I would type. Thank you so much for sharing it – and reminding us that this could be any of us, any of our sisters and mothers and brothers and dads. Life is so precious. And sometimes being the one left to mourn is the hardest battle of all. There are so many images from that that I can’t get out of my mind. Gigantic hugs from me. xxx
Hi Erin,
First of all, big hugs today. As you may, or may not know, I have Madeleine’s notice from the Globe on my fridge. It is discretely tucked on the inside of the work area, where I spend alot of time. She is with me everyday when I make coffee, sandwiches, dinner. She is my reminder to take a deep breath and enjoy the chaos. I draw strength from her sense of calm and peace. I draw strength from how you rallied around her, supported her, researched every possible treatment, made sure M and E were well looked after to allow her to find that peace. The last time I was with Madeleine, Jenny was with me. She was just four months old and was being very fussy. I was intent on keeping her quiet as not to disurb Madeleine or anyone else. Nothing was working and I was getting flustered. Madeleine said give her to me. I hesitated, Jenny was over 10 pounds when she was born and she was fussy and squirmy. Madeleine was quite insistant. I placed Jenny in her arms and as she sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Jenny was quiet, calm and staring into Madeleine’s face. Her stength was amazing and admirable. Your support for Madeleine also admirable. I beleive it was your support and love that allowed her to reach such a sense of peace. It is with great admiration that I draw on that everyday. With love, and great respect, Karen xoxo
Six years is unbelievable. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and also these incredible memories. Seeing the videos reminded me of so many special moments. All my love