When we were swinging, there was never any emotional connection. It was just sex, and there was no opportunity for it to become more. We did things together, never separate. With polyamory, it’s a completely different thing. Now there’s the emotional connection. People ask me, how can I share his love? How can I be ok with him having an emotional connection with another woman?
I’ve heard it compared to having kids, and the comparison works for me. You don’t love your first child any less when the second comes along, right? You don’t suddenly decide you want to give up the first for adoption if they’re being little shits and the new baby is totally adorable. I feel the same way about having relationships with other people.
It might seem flippant, but I think about when I go out for drinks with a friend. I might have a fantastic time, chatting, laughing, just having so much fun connecting with a good friend. My husband isn’t jealous of my emotional connection with my friend. He doesn’t require that I fulfil all my emotional needs from him. And I don’t require the same of him. I can love being loved by him even if I’m not his only love. Clear as mud?
People fall in love again and again and again – just usually, it’s in a chronological order and not simultaneously. We don’t believe you can only love one person, in “that way” at one time.