I am trying, rather unsuccessfully, to potty train my two and half year-old.
I have done this before, with two ornery toddlers, so one would think I’d be a seasoned professional, but no. I have been sopping up misguided puddles of pee from the carpet, watching my girl refuse to go #2 on the potty then dumping a hot load in her diaper as soon as I strap one one, and it’s making me tired. Add to the mix a puppy who is also crapping on my floor and I feel as though my life is one, big feces-stained joke.
Whatever. It will be fine. She’ll figure it out eventually.
And then, when I reach the stage in my life when I no longer have to wipe anyone’s butt but my own, I will throw any unused leftover diapers into a huge fire and will dance on their ashes. What a glorious day that shall be.