I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions. I would never keep them, so I don’t bother. I’m sure they work for other people, but alas not for me. Usually by mid-February (who are we kidding, mid-January) I can barely remember what I resolved to do (or not do), so I figure it couldn’t have been that important to me as it is. But I am all about doling out some resolutions for other people. Wouldn’t that be great to set your in-laws resolutions? Or your parents? Or your siblings?. Or you kids? Me I will settle for making some resolutions in the true Movie Mommy spirit. I wanna tell Hollywood what they should (& shouldn’t) do for the next year. So this edition of the Top Five is the Top Five Hollywood New Years Resolutions.
Top Five Hollywood New Year’s Resolutions
5. Quit aiming every movie at a core audience of 16-29 year old males. Okay, so maybe they have disposable income, but I’m fairly certain that the only thing they want to see is naked women & gore. Sometimes together. The rest of us (oh, 80 or so years of people) could give a rats patootie about these things. So throw us a frickin’ bone here.
4. For goodness sake, don’t charge me an extra $10 for a "Special Edition 2-Disc" DVD that you used to give me for free. This is a huge pet peeve of mine right now, because I am a fool & a big sucker for DVD extras. I actually drove around to 2 different Targets to find the "Special Edition" of the newest Harry Potter DVD. I know, I’m buying (literally & figuratively) into the scheme on this, I just keep hoping that there is going to be something interesting in all of those extras. Alas, no. It’s just a cash grab & I’m falling for it. And I don’t like it one bit. So they should stop. It would make my life a lot easier.
3. It would behoove you to not put our fav TV shows on "hiatus" for extended periods of time. We are simple folk & have short attention spans. 8 months is not a "break", it is canceled & resurrected. And while we’re at it, 10-16 episodes is not a full season (Lost, Battlestar Galactica, Heroes, just to name a few). That’s a mini-series.
2. Variety is the spice of life. We don’t need one more remake of an old movie or TV show. They are very rarely better than the original & most often are capitalizing on feelings of nostalgia that we didn’t even know we had in the first place (Starsky & Hutch anyone!?!). Reinvention on the other hand can be done well. See Casino Royale & Daniel Craig (pic for your enjoyment!!) with the Bond movies & Battlestar Galactica & Edward James Olmos on TV
1. Solve the writers strike. Now. Unfortunately you, as the writers, are not coal-miners or factory workers, so, right or wrong, people have very little sympathy for you. And I’m fairly certain that people have zero sympathy for the big corporations who are on the other side. What both sides have to realize is that ordinary, everyday people who just want to watch their favourite TV shows, & see a decent movie every once in a while don’t see what either side is going through as a plight. It’s Hollywood, so the rest of us sort of think that exorbitant amounts of money are flying around willy-nilly. In reality, a very small minority make most of that money, but we don’t see reality all that often (particularly on those "reality" shows that some of those writer’s are striking from), so as far as we are concerned it all seems like a group of rich people complaining over other rich people. If you want evidence note the NHL strike of several years ago. Didn’t work out so well for the players, did it? Writers, get the best offer you can now & settle. The longer you hold out the less you’ll get.
Oh, I could go on. But I won’t. I will spare you. I figure if Hollywood even addresses half of these things this year would be glorious. Now if only they could figure out how to make Britney Spears just go away. Bliss.
So what would your resolutions be for Hollywood? Let us know in the comments section below.