The other night something bizarre took place and I am not quite sure what to make of it. My oldest child was showing me some photos she had taken of herself for fun. I thought she looked beautiful in them and told her to send them to me via email. Just recently she turned 14 and so on this night I was actually invited to tuck her to bed. As I was embracing this rare moment it suddenly hit me.
I had a flashback to when she was just two years old and I would have to lie on her bed and play with her hair in order for her to fall asleep. Once she fell asleep I would then have to roll off the bed ever so gently as to not wake her. I smiled at the memory.
I kissed my daughter softly and left her room.
Marie’s first modeling job – an ad for Zellers:
Once downstairs the tears started. My husband asked me what was wrong but I couldn’t explain it. I was having all these flashbacks of when she was younger. Flashbacks of when she first walked, when she had her interview for Toronto French School at the age of 3. Her first day of school, her temper tantrum in Cole’s book store, and her very first performance in a musical on stage. I couldn’t stop these memories or the tears that were flowing so hard my body shook.
I know it is a cliché, but our children DO grow up so fast! I felt empty. I was hit with the realization that my little girl is no longer a little girl and this saddened me so much. Where did the time go? How could I allow this to happen so fast? I tried to stop the tears but couldn’t. I think my hubby thought I was seriously losing it – and the truth is I did feel out of control. My daughter no longer needs me like she used to, but I suppose now she will need me in different ways, just from a distance.
Honestly I knew this time would arrive I just thought I would be more prepared and able to handle it. My God I have had 8 children and have dealt with so many things so why is this so hard?
What about you? Have you ever had this profound sense of loss and emptiness happen to you? How did you deal with it?
Until next time
Chantel, momof8crazymonkeys
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Hi its rosebud how are things going I hope your celebrating St Patricks day with some green beer life too short so when you have a chance enjoy the finer things in life with the people you love wheather they are young or old.
Love always
Rosetta
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I feel your pain and understand your tears. I have been there many times. I have 4 children, and nothing was harder than letting the older 2 move away to university. I miss them terribly and feel it every day. Logically, I know they are exactly where they need to be doing just what they should be doing, but something inside me wants them to move back into my basement and stay there forever. And no one gets it.
My baby is 11 and no longer a baby. Why won’t they stop growing up?!
I’m sorry – no wisdom to offer on how to deal with it as I haven’t figured it out myself.
Hi Chantel
i know its hard to believe that children grow up so fast. i am single but have taken care of children in their own homes and have spent time when they were small and played games with them. Then when I see them again they are teenagers and life when I tell stories about when I took care of them. I too think of when they were small and start remembering too and wonder where the time has gone. I think you should always keep those memories alive of your daughter.
Take care Rosetta Pappano
It is so true Julie this thing called parenthood is always changing and we do grow as do our children. At least I have another 7 kiddies to put me through this all over again! Hopefully by the end of it all I will have it down pat – although somehow I doubt it lol.
she will always need you…not to tie her shoes or brush her hair…but for the more ‘important’ things that will come up…relationships, advice, chatting about grownup things etc… i’m 41 years old and still need my mom!!!
i haven’t had it yet as my oldest is only 9 but i’ve always said that we have to grow as parents as well…it’s an ever changing being this thing called parent! 🙂