Hey Urban Moms! My name is Kyla Fox and I am an Individual, Family and Couple Therapist. I have first-hand experience working with the many issues facing moms today. As soon as I heard about urbanmoms.ca I thought, “what could be better than offering my expertise to the urbanmoms.ca community?!"
The “key” to my contribution to urbanmoms.ca is to answer the many questions you have as moms related to your children, your marriage, yourself – anything. Secondly, because being a mom means being overwhelmingly busy, my goal is to simplify your concerns by offering “Kyla’s Keys”, a list of “key” tips to addressing the issues you face.
The foundation of my philosophy is based on my belief that no one knows your child like you do. When acting as a mediator in a situation with a school or when working with a parent to find appropriate resources for their child my approach is to empower the parents. My role is to provide the tools so that you are able to help yourself and your family for the long-term! This is also how I will approach my column on urbanmoms.ca. I won’t tell you what to do and how to do it but will provide you with information, expertise and ideas so that you can make the right decisions for your family.
So with that, I thank you for welcoming me to urbanmoms.ca and I look forward to answering your questions and getting to know the members of this fabulous community!
Kyla’s column will appear on urbanmoms.ca monthly. If you have questions for Kyla please share them in the comments below or send Kyla an email at email@example.com and she will select a few to respond to in her next post. If you or your family need specific information from Kyla, check out her website at www.kylafoxtherapy.com.
Individual, Family & Couple Therapist
Yes, sadly, it is “normal” for girls of any age to be cliquey and even mean. But that’s not to say that this is true of all girls, even most girls.
Your question about “how to help your daughter feel good about herself, regardless?”, is essentially the foundation of this issue for girls. Actively instilling your values and morals and unconditional love and support for your daughter is key. Listening to her concerns without judgment; praising her for who she is, what she achieves, for trying her best even when she fails; having special time alone with her so that she feels important; practicing with her giving compliments to other girls and modeling, for her, positive relationships with friends are all suggestions for helping her feel good about herself and feel good about girls.
When girls are in groups, the competition is generally heightened. I would suggest booking one-on-one play-dates for your daughter and a friend. Often girls play much nicer when there are only two. Use this opportunity to practice what you’ve taught her about values and morals, love and support. Maybe you, her and her friend can spend the play-date baking cookies and her friend can take half home for her family (lesson: sharing); or maybe they can draw pictures and you can ask them what they like best about each other’s artwork (lesson: giving compliments).
You cannot control the other girls, but you can control what you teach your daughter. If she gets sucked in, she will have the tools to get out, and if she can’t get out, she will know that you will be there to help her up and dry her tears.
Kyla Fox, MSW, RSW
Individual, Family & Couple Therapist
Hi Kyla. I am so happy to see you here. I have a 4 year old daughter and I am shocked at the cliques in her class. They all fight over who is friends and who is oldest and who is…well, you get the picture. Is this normal? I have two older boys and we don’t even see this now. How can I help her feel good about herself regardless? How can I help her not get sucked in? Sometimes the girls can be really mean.
Thanks and welcome!
hi i am looking forward to reading your column.being a parent is such a huge resposibility.anyways looking forward to the great advice i’m sure you’ll be offering us here.