“Hmm, it feels kind of weird when I swallow. Kind of like a swollen lymph node or something, but I’m not fighting a cold. I’ll just Google it. Crap. I think I have THROAT CANCER.”
(Cue frantic mental flash-forwards of videotaping myself giving messages to our girls so they can remember me when I’m gone.)
“My neck is feeling kind of sore. Well, not really just sore. It’s kind of stiff. Let’s see what the internet has to say about that…MENINGITIS IT IS.”
(Cut to my bedtime prayers including a heartfelt plea that I don’t die in my sleep. Even though I had no other symptoms, I was wholly convinced I was going to wake up on the other side.)
These are two examples from the past two weeks where I started panicking about my health for no good reason. This is new for me. Since having kids I have definitely become more afraid of death and dying, since the thought of losing them, or them losing me, is unfathomable, yet I realize just how much is out of my hands and also just how much there is to lose.
I am also a far more nervous flyer than I was before I had kids. I used to love taking off and hurtling through the sky, but now I just try not to think about how we will all SURELY DIE.
(Screen shot from “Bridesmaids”, the best comedy of all time.)
It kind of puts a damper on things.
Has having kids ramped up your anxiety level about health and travel and life in general? How do you cope with the tendency to worry?