There seems to be a frightening rash of suicides in our community. More than ever or just more discussed and made public through social media? Hard to know. But one case is too many, so I want to dedicate this post to helplessness.
Helplessness is defined as lacking protection or support, defenceless, vulnerable, exposed, susceptible, undefended. This feeling, if uninterrupted for too long, often accompanies suicidal thoughts.
In a rich and long life a feeling of helplessness is likely on the menu more than once. Is the difference that when some of us feel helpless we see a way out ? We have a little trigger that says tomorrow will be better, friends and family can/ and will help, it is a phase, it will pass, my life is good and this is a blip ?
If you are severely depressed you don’t see any end to this feeling.
If you don’t see any end to this feeling, you see no way out.
I have known short, short times of darkness but I have always felt the light peeking in. I wonder, ( humbly, as how can I possibly understand) if maybe an absence of any perception of light is the difference. With that throw in any perceived taboo that might prevent the distraught form reaching out, add in true organic depression, trauma, sleeplessness and suicidal thoughts and you have a time bomb that could go off unexpectedly. Without clear warning.
I want to share a video that was created by the parents of a boy from a good and blessed family. A boy with every resource, all love and wonderful opportunities. A boy, however, with a feeling of no way out. A boy likely suffering from severe depression.
I want to know the signs and I know you do too.
Mental health is so difficult to diagnose and understand in adults, and even more so in younger people, where it can be tough to tell the difference between teen angst (acting out or withdrawing, most commonly) and true concerns. Add to that that many antidepressants are not meant for young people and can even trigger suicidal thoughts, and it is so hard to know how to handle something that is not well enough understood and is still far too much of a taboo to talk about. it really needs more attention – this is a good start.
I would like to add that Mental Health First Aid sounds like an great program. Up here in the north, there are very few places to go for help. Only those who are diagnosed with a “serious” mental illness get some help. Serious and Some being the operative words.
CMHA does the best it can do with government funding but we need private organizations
Thank you Nancy for the post and thank you Eric for the video and for commenting here.
I think that mental illness is still taboo and ignored. People don’t want to hear about others troubles for very long. The adage “Cry and you cry alone” is really true.
What do we hear. Be positive. Overcome adversity. Negativity is bad. How does that help people who are depressed or have other mental illnesses?
It doesn’t.
I don’t have solutions but I do not that as a society we ignore the problem because we don’t know how to deal with it.
Thank you Eric for sharing this and keeping the conversation going.
Eric,
Thank you for giving us, other parents, the opportunity to educate ourselves and our children on this issue and how we can help. Your courage is incredibly inspiring. I run UrbanMoms and would be happy to discuss other ways we can support you and your efforts if relevant. If you would like, please contact me at jen at urbanmoms.ca.
Thank you again.
Jen
Eric- thank you for reading, commenting and especially for your courage and hard work in the memory of your son Jack. My heart goes out to you, your wife and family. -Nancy
Thank you so much for sharing this and to Jack’s Dad as well for having the courage to help us try to help those around us. It is so important to know what some of the signs may be. I also love Nancy’s point about role modeling asking for help ourselves to show our children it is okay.
Hi Jack’s Dad Eric here. The guy from the video. Nancy and Sam – TY for the kind words and thoughtful posts. I really appreciate you all engaging in the discussion and spreading the word. Please visit our site and consider coming out to meet other like-minded people at our ‘Ride for Jack’ on May 28. http://www.rideforkidshelpphone.ca/index.html It will be a special day. All welcome, spread the word. Bring a teen. Our youth are suffering – 1 in 4 with a diagnosable mental health challenge as they pas through the fragile years of high school to post-secondary. Let’s talk … really, really talk. Sincerely Eric Windeler
I love that poem!!!! Thank you for sharing it, Id. Keep running apparently one day we will love it.
Nancy,
great post. With the long grey winter we’ve had and grey spring start, many people are really feeling the blues.
One can never underestimate feelings of depression, whether life is looking up or down. I have discovered when my b vitamin levels get low from stress or neglect, the blues start to nag at me and that is when I start taking a better look at my diet and lifestyle before it gets more difficult.
Othertimes, it takes a breathtaking poet like this one: http://www.ted.com/talks/sarah_kay_if_i_should_have_a_daughter.html
She levitated my spirit off the very sidewalk when I was jogging to this Ted Talk, I had to blink back the tears of joy her very voice alone inspires.
I wanted to share it with all parents because we all eventually need a reminder to hang in there.
much love
Id
knowledge is power, though. We must look at everything that scares us smack in the face, right?
That video was very well done and I so admire that father’s courage but it is going to haunt me all day. As a single mother with only one child (a pre teenage son) this has got to one of my worst fears. Here’s to living a healthful life and really staying present with our children’s mental/emotional/spiritual well being!
you are so right, Sam.
How do you think we do this? I like that we show them that asking for help is good by asking for help ourselves and showing them that we need it at times and that it is nothing to be ashamed of.
But what else can we do?
thank you Nancy for sharing this, our children are so precious, and our job is to make sure they know how to ask for help, that it is ok to ask for help, and that there is so much help out there.