The overwhelming sadness and despair has consumed me. It has been ages.Time has both stood still and gone on forever. Just now am I beginning to see small cracks. Often they are too much and I sink back again. Hope can be its own demon.
My room at the hospital is cheerfully adorned with flowers and cards and pictures of my family in an attempt to remind me of everything I have to come back to. Often I have to look away. The pain of knowing is too much.
The only thing that can pull me out of this funk is the touch of his hand or his gentle smile. He is there most days beside me, saying little but strong in his presence. How could I do this to him? Such a kind and loving man.
I can’t bear to see the kids.
“Mommy is sick.” Everyone says. They seem to accept it without question, pouncing on my bed and smothering me with kisses. I try to respond the way a mother should but sometimes I need to rest. I bury my head in my pillow and sob as they are whisked out the door to promises of ice cream and other fun-filled distractions.
And then he is there. With me. Curled around me. So close it is almost too much but really just right. The love in his eyes. The sadness and fear and strength. That is what keeps me trying. That is what is pulling me out of the deep.
Not sure i entirely agree with your point, but you definitely make some great arguments here. I’ll be sending the link to my mail list – they need to read this!
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Sony really suck right now, they handled the whole hacking issue terribly. I doubt Ill use Playstation Network anymore.
are you ok? concerned. Please check in. NOTHING is worth destroying yourself over. Hoping you can see some light and realize that you are not alone. Many have done what you have and have felt as you have and have survived and PROSPERED. And please don’t listen to the judgy people here who have given you crap. Rigidity is just a sign of a small mind. Hugs form afar……….
Keep breathing…you are on your way to being okay. You have children who need you and you can do this. Breathe, believe, and let the professionals help you. Everything can be alright if you just hang on. I believe in you, and sometimes you just need one person to believe…though I think you have many. Praying…
I am deeply sad reading your news. Why are you in the hospital? How long have you been there?
Does your husband know what is going on?
Hi Ikg. I am so sad for you. And worried. Do you have a support system to help you through this?
One thing I know from seeing others go through this is that you will come out the other side. You will find yourself again. Don’t give up and give it time.
Thinking of you.
This is exactly how I am feeling right now … because I just found out my husband has been cheating on ME for almost a year. I am dead, empty, I just want to be gone somewhere else, in another space and time. I want to go back to when this didn’t exist. I cry day after day after day wanting my life back, my relationship back, my family back. But right now, everything I knew is gone because the person I loved hurt me more deeply than anyone has ever hurt me before.