Do you remember a few months back when I was pleading with you all for advice about how to get our baby to sleep through the night? I was so weary, getting up eight times a night, and I thought I was going to dissolve into a puddle of sleep-deprived woe. I kept on hoping things would naturally get better. “Surely she’ll figure it out by the time she’s six months old,” I’d reason, as I stumbled to her nursery for the sixth time that night. Then the six month mark would pass and I’d cling to the hope that once she was eating more solids, she’d start sleeping better. Didn’t happen.
Turns out all you need to get your baby to sleep through the night is this: a cold, black heart of stone.
After a particularly awful weekend away with Brinley where she didn’t sleep a wink, I finally broke. I came to the point where I realized that my getting up to cater to her every whim at night was no longer doing either of us any good anymore. It had been five years since I’d had consistent sleep and my body couldn’t take much more. My family and marriage were suffering since I woke up so depleted every morning, with no patience or hope. The time had come.
So, I took a few little tidbits of advice I’d gleaned from other moms, tucked Brinley in and said, “See you in the morning!” She howled for a good while the first two nights, but my crusty heart didn’t even flinch, so convinced was I that this was the right decision. I started staying home a little more in the mornings and afternoons so she can have consistent nap times each day, and that has really helped with the nights.
I hesitate to write this for fear of jinxing it, but she has been consistently sleeping through the night (we’re talking 11-12 hours) for three weeks. Sweet, delicious sleep, I missed you SO HARD.
I am so glad I finally did it and let her cry. I had to. She had to. And we’re all so much happier.
Did you let your kids cry it out? Or do you think it’s cruel? (For any attachment parents ready to use their moby wrap as a slingshot to pelt me in the head with a frozen cube of organic quinoa puree, please know that I tuned into all of my kids’ every needs at night for FIVE YEARS here and I really think my mental state was at risk. So there.)
Also… I figure you’re not going to post my comment, as my opinion is quite opposed to yours, but I figured I’d send anyways.
No I did not CIO, nor will I ever until my children are over a year old, when they know how to manipulate. I don’t jump at every whine, but when they cry, I tend to them. I’ve done my research, and I truly believe letting a baby cry it out is not in their best interest, and can cause damage if it is practiced improperly (which unfortunately happens more than most think). Babies do not understand cause and effect at such a tender age, and most still cannot efficiently self-soothe. They go quiet because they’ve tired themselves out and can feel abandoned… so they turn inward. This is not a good thing. I think a little crying is understandable, though not something I’m willing to do personally, but letting a baby cry for over a half hour with no response from their caregivers is bordering abuse.
Awesome! Yay for you, and getting sleep. And yay for me because I’m feeling pretty smug right now. Letting them cry worked for both my kids – they were both sleeping through the night at 3 months. Nobody ever listens to me. I’m so glad you tried it and I’m so glad it worked.
Yes. I let my son cry it out. I was hesitant at first, but then stumbled upon a book called “Healthy Sleep Habit, Healthy Child.” I was desperate at the time, since my son was getting up around 2 and not falling asleep until 4-5 am again. I then had to turned around and wake up at 6:00 so that we could leave for work around 7:00. I read the book in one wknd and started right away with his philosophy. In his book, Marc Weissbluth, MD, provides these insightful and motivating comments on the functions of sleep:
“Sleep is the power source that keeps your mind alert and calm. Every night and at every nap, sleep recharges the brain’s battery. Sleeping well increases brainpower just as weight lifting builds stronger muscles, because sleeping well increases your attention span and allows you to be physically relaxed and mentally alert at the same time. Then you are at your personal best.”
I had to remember that it was healthy for him to get a good night sleep, and being healthy takes discipline and hard work (sometimes tough love). The first night we tried it he cried in his crib for about 30-40 min and fell asleep and slept the entire night waking up. He didn’t even wake up for his typical 2:00 feeding. I was truly amazed. The next few nights were the same. Since then when we go out of town, he doesn’t sleep through the night, but as soon as we get back home he is back on track. He is now 8 months and he cries just a few min when we put him down to bed. The book mentions not to get them out of the crib until 6. My son occasionally wakes up at 5:00, but sometimes goes back to sleep. When he doesn’t stop after 15 min, I’ll go in there and usually find a dirty diaper, cold feet, or just a hungry boy. I’ll change, feed, or put socks on and put him back in the crib and go back to bed.
It is not easy to hear them cry, but I really do think it is the only way some children learn to fall asleep on their own.
i couldn’t let them cry it out. i did, however, change my approach with my 2nd. i would pick up my 1st at any squeak and inadvertently wake her up. i would go in to the room with my 2nd and just tell her that i was there and not pick her up and, for me, that worked better.
if i had a third (which is NOT happening!) i would padlock the door and put in earplugs, i’m sure. you did the right thing for you, there’s no denying that. if you’re insane, you’re probably not a good mother 🙂
dude, let them cry is about the best thing you can do for yourself as a mom!! my 1st baby slept through the night on his own by 3months…my 2nd was another story and at 9 months (i know that’s really not THAT long) i finally had had enough and wanted to love my baby again and the only way that was going to happen was through SLEEP. i have a cold, dark heart of stone and i ALWAYS encourage other moms to have one as well!!!
p.s. my kids (ages 8 & 4) still love me just the same 🙂
I did let my three cry it out, It worked for me evn though I did feel like a heel!!!And now my grandson as well. It takes him at most 10 mins to get to sleep. Usually only 2-3 mins. If he does cry REALLY hard I go to him. I know the difference in his cries, if he is hurting or scared he cries a lot different than if it’s just because he doesn’t want to go to sleep!!
I know if he is just having a regular cry he is ok….if he has given me a smooch before bed i know he’s sleepy and will fall asleep soon after a few whimpers. I don’t feel like too much of a heel anymore as I feel that it works, doe snot harm them and makes it easier in the long run that they can make themselves go to sleep.
I’ve got the coldest, blackest, stoniest heart of them all, m’dear. And no baggage under my eyes… 😉
Yay for you!! I’m so happy you’ve managed to turn this page, lady… JOY!!
CIO does not work for me or my husband or our son. He had a temperament that would not jive with leaving him alone in his crib to figure it out on his own.
We were happy when our babe slept through the night and danced and rejoiced too! It felt great! We were fortunate that we could both take turns helping him learn to settle himself at night. We really wanted him to learn good sleep skills that would keep on going through each milestone.
We did it. I also thought/think it’s cruel. I still have moments of guilt even though I know I’ll do it again with #2. It may well be harder on the mom than the kid.
I’ll never be able to judge people for either making their kids cry it out or for being to “soft” to do it. It’s a tough thing.
I do think it is the only way (FOR ME!! NO judgment if others choose another route). I was a softie w/both my kids until the 6-7 month mark, and then it was no more mr. nice guy.
I am a huge believer in proper sleep hygiene and the importance of learning to get yourself to sleep. Young or old it is crucial.
And naps-i’m with you. They help. I learned that this time!
We didn’t necessarily use the “cry it out” method with our girls as babies, but I certainly got to a point with my 3 YEAR OLD where I was less willing to bend to a whim. I got up for almost 4 years straight every night with Bethany, it got better past year 2 but still almost every night. It was rough deals. With Audrey I’d read the Baby Whisperer book and some of her suggestions worked for Audrey and for us (had I known I may have used said principles with Bethany….I didn’t know), and she’s always been a good sleeper. Unless of course she’s sick then that all goes down the crapper in a pink polka dot handbag. Finally out of frustration with my 3 year old being the one getting me up not my baby, I decided to let her figure it out on her own. It only took about 2 weeks and she had it mostly figured.
Now shy of a nightmare or illness both kids sleep fairly well.
I say each parent to their own. Nobody’s kids are the same so why should the parenting be? You found what worked for you and that’s AMAZING! As for those who fling quinoa (they should be hung for wasting such a treasure!), I find the best way to respond is to fling a diaper full of poo.
We did the cry-in-out with our girl. It was so hard for me. She still wasn’t a good sleeper, but it definitely helped. I would go in the basement and turn the t.v. on. I couldn’t handle her crying for long periods like that, but my husband could. He took care of her during those periods. You’re right, though. You gotta do what you gotta do.
Here’s to hoping my 2 week old, gets the idea to sleep much sooner than my girl did!
I honour you and your decision WHOLEHEARTEDLY. Life like motherhood is a marathon and not a sprint. Mom must sleep to provide for family in every way. Also- We are here to teach our children to sleep, eat and share (amongst many other things). you have taught your baby to sleep. You should be happy!!!
Oh, yes. When each of my kids was ready to learn to sleep on their own, we did the 5-10-15 minute routine for as long as it took for them to settle. The first couple of nights were horrible, but it was worth it, for us. I’m a much better parent when I’ve had some sleep.
I tried letting my older one cry it out. He was THE WORLD’S WORST SLEEPER and still is. The problem with him was that after a few weeks he still wasn’t sleeping well AND was crying all the time AND was sleep deprived. I so badly wanted it to work though.
What I realize now with him is that he was not like every other baby. He truly had sleep problems and still does at 12 years-old. Anytime anything gets stressful or changes he struggles to sleep. That is his “thing”. He is, otherwise, the most amazing kid.
With my second there was no need. By 6 months she was up one or two times. She would nurse and then go right back to sleep. It was not really disruptive and I didn’t mind. From about 1 – 1.5 years old she would ask to go to sleep, lie down, close her eyes and sleep for 12 hours. She still does!
Just goes to show you, every kid is unique even when raised in the same house by the same parents.
I am so very glad this worked for you! Sleep is dreamy, isn’t it 😉
We let all four of our kids cry it out and they were all sleeping through the night by five months. Sleep is one of life’s necessities and so worth a couple heart jerking nights! I’m glad you are finally sleeping!
I did not do cry it out. It wouldn’t have worked for me. I did not jump at every whimper but I did go when they were really crying. I was sleep deprived for 2.5 years, but I don’t regret it. I think we all need to do what is right for our own families.
That being said, I did have a Moby wrap and we do eat Quinoa and I think that’s OK. So there! 🙂
Yep, I let both of mine cry it out. It was the only way to regain my sanity and both of my kids were old enough at that point that they should have been sleeping through the night.
Will cried it out and it saved my sanity. I’m SO happy for you for doing it and getting some sleep!
we need to do it, we keep saying we need to, getting up all throughout the night TIMES TWO is too much, I am overwhelmed, exhausted and not myself. I just don’t know how with 2. I think we’ll hve to maybe put one in the living room for the night otherwise they will just both be crying and never settle because the other is howling.
I let all my kids cry it out also. They are wonderful sleepers (now), but were very typical babies, waking up every 2-4 hours. Around the 6 month mark I started to let them cry it out, and now they all go to bed around 7:30 or 8 (the twins around 7pm) and they don’t wake up until 9am!!! Ahhhh….I love my sleep. 🙂 I’m glad for you that you’re able to enjoy your sleep now also.
I did the cry-it-out thing with my first-born. It worked, but it was no fun. I was convinced there would be a better way, so I read every book under the sun (like ‘No-Cry Sleep Solution’ etc.) and tried all the techniques on my second-born…all to no avail. So, we did the whole cry-it-out thing again. And, again, it was no fun, but it worked. And, we’re all happier and well-rested because of it. I’m convinced that it’s the only thing that does the trick!
Oh I well remember those days with our daughter. She was the same. It breaks your heart to do it, but sometimes it’s the best thing for the whole family.
I let both my girls “cry it out” when they were about Brinley’s age. That getting up a thousand times a night thing is just horrid.
Hooray for SLEEP!