I am insecure. There, I said it. It is out in the blogsphere for you to all to read. I try hard to hide it. Sometimes I over compensate for it. When that happens I say or do stuff that is pretty stupid. I am getting better with it. Age helps. Raising kids help. Positively speaking to yourself helps too. I could be wrong, but, if you are born insecure you stay insecure til you die… Right? Who knows. I am 37 years old and have had lots of therapy so I am going to assume it is “sick gene” that doesn’t completely go away. Otherwise the therapy would have cured me. As I said, I am better then I was as a kid and young adult.
What brought this post on? Well, since I am going to Dove Esteem Fund G(irls) 20 Summit next week with a lovely young neighbour/babysitter of mine I thought I would reflect on insecurity and how it has affected my life. I am hoping that by reflecting on it I can give myself and others more esteem. Something I strive for everyday with myself and my children.
I think there are two types of insecure people.
- The Nice Insecure Person: I think that is generally me.Although don’t get me wrong I can be a bitch because of my insecurities.The nice insecure person is, well, nice. To a fault sometimes because he/she is afraid of hurting peoples feelings, because, well she doesn’t want someone to “unlike” her (thought I would use the Facebook Term).
That’s why I found Twitter and Facebook to be so frightening at first – it seemed to be all about the cool kids talking about being “together and having fun” . But now I think a bit differently, most of it is about reaching out to connect with people. I hope that is what is about, there is good and bad associated with “friend media”.
- The Bitchy Insecure Person: Generally goes out of his/her way to prove how awesome, cool and competent he or she is at someone else’s expense. Seems very SECURE to most. However, a dead giveaway of the unsecure person is if that said person puts others down in order to make themselves look or feel better at the expense of someone else (Let’s face it – we have all done it at some point in our lives but hopefully you know when you are doing it and you don’t do it repeatly).
So the question I have to ask you is – Can you be insecure and still be successful in business? In life? I would like to think you can. Geeze, I bloody hope so!
Here are a list of things that I am or have been insecure about:
- The way I look (I can never be thin enough, pretty enough etc – but I have gotten better – age does that for you. Heck, I think I look the best I ever have now.). By the way, this picture in the post was taken today – with no make up, something I barely ever do – I make Rob delete the “ugly” photos. Athough years ago I would never have left the house without make up, so I think that I am evolving!
- When I make mistakes (no one apologizes more then me – I beat myself up)
- How I raise my children (and how others perceive it)
- That I don’t have a University Degree
- That I won’t make it on my own as a Entrepreneur. In fact I am still hugely on the fence about it.
- That I will never be successful again (in comparison from the previous job). But what the hell is successful anyway? Is it valued through work, family, what does it mean to be “successful”?
Going into business for yourself is a mind buzz. I change my mind about being in business for myself about 3 times a day. I wonder as an entrepreneur … “Am I going to be a good enough mom?”, “Will I ever make enough money to have enough security – What if Rob leaves me- what then?”. “Isn’t easier going back to a regular job?…Being insecure also leads me to ask or sometimes even beg others for their opinions – which ultimately confuses me.
Then after all that questioning, I shake my head. I take a deep breath and realize no decisions need to be made today. I go within myself and realize I am really happy. Sure, I am not so “sure” of myself or the future… BUT I AM BLOODY HAPPY TODAY. I walked my son to school, I picked him up – I accomplished things for myself, my home and my business today. That’s something. I feel content.
I don’t really believe you can have your cake and eat it too. Really… but some days it feels like I can come close to it. Then, other days I think “What the hell am I doing?”. I second guess myself like everyone else. That’s because we all have some insecurities… some people are just better at hiding them. For more info on esteem and a uplifting campaign by Dove visit: