When it rains it pours. Life has been busy. Trying to juggle two kids, a husband and my new company called Mom Entrepreneurs Network is not easy. I feel panicky at times. I want to succeed so badly and I hate the idea of letting anyone in my network down. So I work hard.
A week ago I had my husband breathing down my neck wanting to leave for the cottage for our one week vacation. I used to be the one breathing down his neck to leave for vacation. I used to be the one telling him to get the F%^K off the blackberry – or crackberry as I used to call it.
I said I would never be a cellphone addict. I try to hide it as best I can but everyone knows I can’t be too far from the twitter-fee
d. How has this become me?
I want to be mindful. God knows I don’t want my children to feel that phones are more important than people but I am a one man show. I don’t spend money on advertising and instead utilize social media to promote my
services and fuel my network. I also offer marketing coaching through Marketing4Moms so when I am not promoting my web sites then I am working on that. So basically every minute of my day is filled with something. Did I mention my Mother’s Helper is away on holidays? ENTER MORE PANIC.
The weeds have over taken my garden.
My mother in law is frightened by the crab grass. This embarrasses me.
I don’t exercise and have gained at least five pounds in the last five months. If I don’t find some balance soon then my clothes won’t fit and I will have to buy new stuff. I can’t afford that for more than one reason.
After the birth of my five year
old son I had a panic attack. It happened the day after I got home from the hospital. I thought I was having a heart attack. I didn’t know what was happening. After a crazy emergency c-section and three days in the hospital trying to figure out how the hell to breast feed I was bloody stressed. So much so that I tried to force the staff at the hospital to let me stay on after the standard three days . The nurses would have let me stay another day but my husband told them privately that he could handle things and help me along. I got home with the new baby, tried to lay down while he slept but my mind was racing and I couldn’t sleep. That’s when the panic attack set in. At my six week check up I asked for help. Two months a
fter the birth I had full-blown postpartum depression. Eventually I found a great therapist and after a few years (yeah, it took a long time) I fully recovered. Then it happened again when I had my second son via c-section – while on the operating table. I had another panic attack. The circumstance occurred because the anesthesiologist was a prick to me. I am happy to report after I had the panic attack he was much nicer and I would like to think – nicer to other women afterwards while working in the operating room ! He put my music back on and spoke to me with kindness. Since then I experience panic attacks from time to time when I am under great stress – like when I had to go back to work after both maternity leaves.
Now I am trying to treat myself with kindness and patience. Five days into the vacation I finally turned off the iphone and stepped fully into vacation mode, sandy feet and all. I finally realized that it could all wait until I was at home. Each day my oldest son and I found a new adventure to explore. It was fun. My youngest son kept me running the beach and laughing. My husband fed my yummy meals.
Being busy has it’s advantages. My husband helps me more now than ever. He actually packed the KID’S BAGS. Okay, so they ran out the clothes after a few days – no biggie – we just washed them. I am learning ever so slowly not to be a huge control freak.
I felt the panic surging a few times when I was away on holidays worrying about what I should be doing but I took a few BIG DEEP BREATHS and eventually within an hour or so I felt the anxiety pass and the panic attack never came to rear it’s ugly head.
Take that panic – POW. POW. (Writer Leigh blows on her finger gun. )
Ohh yah – PS= If you happen to be in Toronto on August 18th please join us for Twilight Twitter Night, a super duper event for women entrepreneurs!