Being Mindful is hard.
My very first post was basically about slowing down and appreciating your life because you never know when it will end. It’s much easier to say that than to do it, especially when you are a busy working parent with a commute.
My days are crazy. I honestly don’t know how I function. Here is a typical day:
6 am – Wake up, grooming, eating, lunch making.
7:00 – Leave.
8:00 – Arrive at work. Run around like a chicken with my head cut off photocopying, cutting, pasting, writing, reading, emailing, researching, conferring with colleagues, etc.
9:00 – Students arrive. Teach, counsel, teach, counsel, mediate, teach.
10:35 – 20 minute break – work through it, eat mindlessly.
10:55 – Outside duty – supervise & mediate.
11:15 – See 9 am
12:55 pm – 40 minute break – work through it, eat mindlessly while workng
1:35 – See 9 am.
3:15 – Students leave, see 8 am.
4:15 – Leave.
5:15 – Arrive home, comfort tired, cranky kids, try to prepare dinner with husband, tidy up a bit, eat dinner, bathe children, read stories, sing lullaby, lie with them until they sleep
8:00 – Kids asleep, bake muffins (they won’t eat much so must do it), prepare lunches, do some laundry, tidy up a bit, try to get a little work done, maybe write a blog post, try to check personal email.
10:00 – Fall into bed totally exhausted. Read for awhile then lie there fretting about all the work that hasn’t been finished.
11:00 – 12:00 – Fall asleep (hopefully).
3:00 – First child comes into bed.
5:00 – Second child come into bed.
6:00 – Start all over again.
So when do I get to be mindful? I’ve been really wanting to start meditating but I’m having trouble finding the time. I can’t fathom getting up at 5:30 to do it, I’m already running on empty. Why is life so crazy? I don’t want it to be but it is. I really want to slow down and smell the flowers. I wish that my two hours with the girls were not a mad rush of supper and tidying.
Research clearly shows that meditation and mindfulness can be important tools for mental health (probably physical too). We know that:
- Generally we operate on autopilot, unaware of moment to moment experience
- We are capable of developing sustained attention
- Development of ability is gradual, progressive and requires practice
- Awareness makes life richer and more vivid and replaces unconscious reactiveness
- Gives rise to veridicality (reality) of perception
- Awareness enhances perception, effective action and control
(reference: Grossman P et al, Psychosomatic Research 2004:57:35-43)
I’m very interested in Buddhism and I’d like to learn more and make mindful meditation part of my day. I listen to CDs on my commute by Adyashanti and other teachers. But, I need to practice meditating and that is my problem, when?
How do you manage your busy day? Do you find time to reflect and be mindful?
Hey Erin
I took a meditation class a few years ago – totally not me – but I had broken my ankle playing basketball and I thought why not try it. I certainly don’t practice it now…but at the time even my friends noticed the difference. As a single mom, the only alone time I have is when my guy is in bed OR in my drive to work (which I think you have your kids with you??)…but I do really try to do some meditating and deep breathing exercises on my ride home from work now. I turn the radio off and just breathe from head to toe. I like it. I miss exercising – so I’ve bumped his bedtime back by an hour (he needed it) and getting a cheapo treadmill and doing that…hope it will help with my mindfulness….hang in there!!!
Buddha would be the first to say…
“You’ve got your whole life to figure this one out – that’s the point”.
Then he would rub his belly, smile and laugh at how difficult we make ‘just being’.
I know it’s hard. I’m right there with all of you. For me, just the simple acknowledgment that I had this void/need was a great first step.
I found Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Full Catastrophe Living an excellent resource. Although I quickly understood that reading was not doing. So I tried the doing too. My attempt to wake up at 6 each day to meditate lasted exactly 5 days. And sadly, when my dear, sweet daughter snuck downstairs to see what Mum was doing, my first reaction was always…
‘Bleep! Just give me 5 bleeping minutes to bleeping meditate!!!’
Now, like Jenn, I simply look for moments in my day. Moments when I can be ‘true to myself’ whether it’s in thoughts, spoken words, or actions.
I kid you not! Being ‘true to yourself’ is equally as hard if not harder than pulling your tired/aching Mum bones out of bed (at some absurd hour) to sit quietly and uncomfortably for 20 minutes thinking about how not to think.
I understand… its too stressful to meditate… i love the part of your day where you include kids coming to your bed… 3 am first than the other… so cute. my son does that too. our days dont end… even our rest is not the same.
I can totally relate! What I am trying to do now is just take moments throughout my day to be conscious and aware, to be in the moment. Like when I am rushing to the subway or to get the kids from school or in the elevator for a meeting I take a deep breath and take a moment just to BE THERE. Smell the breeze, look at the trees, feel what I am feeling. And then the chaos starts again but I have had that moment and will have more throughout the day. Sometimes that is all we’ve got and even those little things help.
Do it on your drive. It will help!