I’ve spent the greater part of four years writing about divorce.
It was top of mind 100 percent of the time. I felt that if I shared my experiences, others would be comforted by my pain and heartache. I wrote about my kids’ emotions after the divorce. I wrote about our efforts at co-parenting. I wrote about my sad first Mother’s Day as a single mom and offered advice to divorced parents about how to handle things like sending your kids back to school. I wrote about my Jewish divorce. I wrote about dating. I even started a support group for single parents that ran for a time. I wanted others to see that if I could get through a divorce, they could, too. I felt like I had a mission; a purpose in life. I felt like divorce happened to me so I could write about it.
Then something funny happened: I got engaged.
I don’t want to talk about being engaged necessarily. It’s not my first kick at the can after all. I’m not going to be one of those brides who thinks her wedding day is the biggest day of her life. I’ve had two kids—I know it’s not. I’m not floating on air or talking about bachelorette parties and floral arrangements.
It’s different now. I’m a more seasoned woman, I suppose. I’ve got kids and more responsibilities than I had when I was married the first time at age 24. I’ve got a house and a family to blend. I’m 37. I want a small, low-key wedding, a simple dress, and then I want to move on.
I’m grateful to be moving forward with my life. I’m excited to see what challenges lie ahead. I’m sure there will be many. I’m proud to be living proof that things happen for a reason. I’m thankful I met someone special. I’m happy.
But I’m not going to keep going on about my divorce. Somehow that chapter has ended and I just don’t feel like rehashing the past. It’s not that it’s any less important. Far from it. The experience defined me. Changed me in so many ways; some good, others bad. I guess I just want a fresh start. I want to forget what happened, redefine myself once again and focus on other things.
It leaves me in an interesting situation. I’m at a crossroads, if you will. What will I write about now? Who am I, even, if I’m not the person constantly examining divorce in all its various facets? I’m honestly not quite sure.
Of course, co-parenting will always be a priority and something to reflect on and discuss. As our kids get older we will experience new co-parenting joys, ups and downs. I’ll always have my kids to write about, though as they get older they will likely not want me sharing their stories with an audience. That topic, too, will come to an end. Blending families is also going to be an important subject for me, but my fiancé is rather private and would prefer I didn’t write about our family. It seems like something to cherish and protect, so I’ll have to reflect on this more as the month’s progress.
In truth, it feels like I have a whole new world ahead of me. A blank page. Literally. I don’t know what this means for my identity or my writing, but one thing is for sure: we’ll all have to stay tuned . . .