For over a week now, my throat has been constricted and achy, my mouth has been sticky, and my body has swung between too hot and too cold. For four nights I didn’t sleep. If in general I am “THAT mom” then when I am sick, I am … a disgrace.
On Friday, my toddler only ate Cheerios.
Well, he ate, like, half a Family Size box of them. But still.
While I loathe the idea of gender roles and traditional family dynamics, there are some things that noticeably slip when I am incapacitated. The food suffers – Spouse could feed himself if he had to, but feeding the kidlet as well means take-out is the easiest option. Spouse does not have the emotional fortitude to lovingly prepare a home-cooked meal – which is really just a labour-intensive way of preparing to do battle – and then wrestle bites into his son’s mouth while the kid throws as much of it as he can onto the floor while wailing about the inhumanity of it all. I do dinners and battles better.
Toddler routine suffers as well. There is no order to his time when I am not bossing everyone around, and he goes to bed when I am tired which is earlier than usual. Which means he wakes up earlier which means he plays alone in his crib for a little longer which means no one knows what time nap time should be and MOM IS SICK SHUT UP EVERYBODY WHAT ARE YOU ANIMALS?
It’s been a long week. I’ve meant to introduce myself, but it’s hard to type from a horizontal position. The cat has been creeping around as if she knows I am about to die, and for a few days there I started to get worried – the current state of cleanliness around here suggests that I could be dead a few days before anyone noticed and she’d probably be able to eat a good-sized chunk out of my face in that time and I was hoping to be taxidermied.
Hi, my name is Emily. My parenting philosophy has always been about keeping the bar low – this week has been one of my most exemplary. So it is at this low point that I’ve decided to start sharing my stories of detachment parenting on the west coast. If this has been a grim introduction, I promise, it will get better. I have six more days of antibiotics.