This is a scene from a mall…
She: Mummy, I need to tell you something. *picks up napkin and wipes pizza sauce from her mouth*
Me: *takes deep breath* Yeeeessss? *feels stroke coming on*
She: Well… *sheepish* I don’t really like apple juice anymore.
I swear to god, these kids…
Me: *relieved* Oh. Well, why not?
She: *cocks head* Well, I used to like it, you know, back when I was a little kid, but now that I’m a big girl, well… I just don’t like it anymore. Because it’s for babies.
This baby of mine is currently the ripe old age of five, so I feel pretty proud that I didn’t laugh right in her face.
Me: It’s actually not for babies – it’s for everyone, and I enjoy apple juice perfectly well, and so does your dad…
She: …but you never drink it…
Me: …because I’m always saving it for you guys! But that’s okay. *waves hand* You don’t have to like it, and I won’t buy it anymore if you don’t want to drink it. *shrugs* What do you like better?
(You know what Coke does to a kid like this, right?)
Me: Yes, I know… but not Coke. Something we have at home, please. Try again.
She: Um, well I prefer orange juice.
Me: Okay then, I’ll make sure we always have some.
She: Aaaaand I like bubbly water. *makes effervescent bubble motion with her wee wiggling fingers*
Me: I know.
She: Aaaaand I like that red juice drink thing that you make for daddy with the celery and all those shrimp on the side? I love that.
Me: You mean, you like the shrimp. The drink is tomato juice. You never drink the drink.
She: Yeah, I don’t like tomatoes. *shakes head and scrunches her face with objection*
Me: I know. Eat your pizza.
(Not to mention the sauce on said pizza.)
She takes another big bite, chews heartily, and begins to tell me something else.
Me: Uh, wait until your finished chewing, please… *shields eyes with hand*
She: Mummy? I need to tell you something else. It’s kinda bad. *looks at me with solemn brown eyes and then smirks*
Me: *looks to the heavens* Oh my lord, child, what is it?