Remember last year when I was moaning about the grossness of potties? Yeah, well I continued to moan inside my head about it for months and months, until I became brilliant.
But wait… isn’t she brilliant already? you might ask… and indeed, I TRULY AM!!
A few short weeks ago, as my mum and sister were due to arrive as visitors for the week, I began the bathroom clean-up (not the spot-wipe kind – I mean the real kind, with spray bottles and cleansers) and as I narrowly cast my eyes sideways to the nasty little plastic potty, I thought, “Rubbish. I hate cleaning this thing. She’s tall enough. It’s time.”
Me: *all breezy-like* Hey, Ava Scarlett, guess what?
Me: You grew! You’re a BIG! GIRL! and I think you’re tall enough to sit on the BIG! toilet like everybody else. *waggles eyebrows*
She: *nonplussed* But… I like my potty!
Me: I know you do. But, you’re BIG! now. It’s time to pee like a BIG! girl.
She: *crumpling* But I LIKE IIIIIIIT!
Me: I know, peach. But this is better. And anyway, only babies use potties. You’re BIG!!
She: No, babies have diapers, mummy.
Me: Yes, you’re right… I mean leedle, small-small kids use potties. BIG! kids use the BIG! toilet, like grown-ups do! And afterwards, you get to flush it yourself. *waggle-waggle* Fun!
So now we do this:
And that was it! It all went supremely well. Too well, really. I put it in the basement for a week (I had thoughts about donating it, but then thought, “Ew. No.”) so on the next garbage day, out it went with the other refuse from the week before.
Unfortunately, she spied it in the heap and watched the garbage-man toss it into the back of the noisy, stinking, nasty truck, and watched the mechanism chomp it, while a small lake of trash-bin juice oozed out onto the ground.
She lost her mind.
She: My potty!! Myyyyy paaaaaaw-deeeeeeee!! *big fat tears and hysteria*
Oliver sat on the balcony with her and watched the garbage truck drive up the lane, trying to comfort her. And laughing his hilarious, infectious laugh at the same time.
Me: *exasperated* C’mon, man. Be sweet…
He laughs harder because I said C’mon man which only ever makes them laugh harder at me when I’m trying to tell them something serious. Ack, these children…
She: It’s gone.
She: But, I wanted to keep it. *sad eyes*
Me: But, you use the BIG! potty now… isn’t that better?
She: But… I wanted to keep it for-eh-verrr… *blinking sad eyes*
Me: But what do you need it for? Listen. We don’t keep these things. I mean, it had poop in it, right? *makes disgusting face* We need to throw it away now.
She hugs me, and buries her face into my legs, while I stand rubbing her back. I’m waiting for more tears, but there are none. She suddenly stops and looks up at me, grinning.
She: Can I have a marshmallow? *eyebrows high and hopeful*
Me: You are a sly fox, little girl…
She: *throws head back and laughs like the devil*
I still have to do the wiping part, but I can deal with that for a while. (I let her try to do it once… I think I threw that pair of panties in the trash at the end of the day. Yikes.)
So that, my friends, was the end of the potty. Any questions?