I don’t know what is going on but my family is always sick. There are 4 of us in the house and there isn’t a day that goes by where at least one of us isn’t sick. You’d think we go around licking shopping carts or anything germ infested just for the sake of getting sick. I can’t figure it out – we have hand-sanitizer littered all over the place. I mean we don’t overdose on it but we use it from time to time. I understand that having some germs helps fight off other germs but that doesn’t work in our house.
The majority of us get sick mid-January but mid-August? Yep, that happened to us. While you were putting on sun block, we were putting on mentholated topical cream. In the winter you’d expect to be bogged down with sickness. In fact it’s not too bad to catch a cold then, because no one wants to trek out in the snow; I almost don’t mind it. But a summer time cold? Unfair. It’s kinda like falling upstairs, it makes no sense. Anyways, back to the sniffling, stuffy head, sore throat point I’m trying to make. Since we are always sick and the cold season is around the corner, I thought I’d share the quick easy ways to get rid of a cold ASAP – Parker style. If you saw my high school grades you’d realize I’m no doctor, but I play one on the blog.
11 ways to get rid of a cold (I know most lists go to 10, but this list goes to 11):
1) You have to curl up to the fetal position, feel sorry for yourself and complain ad nauseum about being sick to your partner.
2) Turn your room into a fort, let nobody in for 24 hours, stuff a towel under the door so you can’t hear anything whilst you are in and out of sleep.
3) Gargle with salt water.
4) Hit up the neti-pot.
5) Sleep with a heating pad.
6) Inhale steam from a humidifier. (If you don’t have a towel to cover your noggin then use the one from under the door.)
7) Watch ‘Price is Right’ and old re-runs of ‘Leave it to Beaver’. (5 out of 5 doctors agree this will do nothing to help your cold.)
8) Drink water.
9) Have your partner bring you soup and dry toast. (When they bring it to you, complain some more…throw a lot of groans in there.)
10) Hot toddy – I go with the following recipe: shot of whisky, hot water, tbsp of honey.
11) Feel a little more sorry for yourself.
Wake up feeling like a million bucks (if not a million then maybe $175, which is better than the way you felt the day before).
Good luck out there, cold season is right around the corner. Unless you’re in my family then we’re in month 9 of the 12 month cold season.