Finding My Inner Mom Ninja

There’s a great song by Classified about finding your inner ninja. It’s catchy and peppy. It makes you want to sing along and dance a little. It’s about pushing through and finding your awesome deep inside. Parenting is hard and to survive, you have to find your inner ninja. A lot of my parenting humour is self-deprecating so I thought I would assemble a list of all the ways I’m a mom ninja.

1) Once upon a time my son took a bath to avoid cleaning his room. He splashed around in the tub, feeling quite satisfied for having avoided his chores and responsibilities. I sat with my feet up, feeling quite satisfied he volunteered to take a bath and I didn’t have to nag him.  He still wants one of those “party in the tub” things he saw on tv, but I won the bath battle before it even started.

2) Once upon a time my son cleaned the bathroom to avoid cleaning his bedroom. Well, that’s what he thought he was doing, at least. It turns out he was just cleaning the bathroom BEFORE cleaning his bedroom. Either way, I had a clean bathroom. He also doesn’t “kid clean”—he actually moves stuff around and cleans under them.

3) Once upon a time I convinced my kid that mismatched socks match are cool. I told him it was crazy sock day and he was the only participant. He was so excited. Now he gets his own mismatched socks from the laundry. Matched socks are for special occasions. If you set the bar low enough, you can just hop right over it.

4) Once upon a time my kid met a turkey at the pumpkin patch. He was terrified. He freaked out looking at the roasted carcass, connecting it to the creepy looking bird from his field trip. I get it, I mean, they are ugly. He refused to eat turkey from that point on. There was no convincing him, so on major holidays we ate “Giant Chicken”. Mom Ninja – 1 Turkey – 0. My kid gobbled it up.

5) Once upon a time I taught my kid to drag the chair over to the fridge so he could get his own popsicles from the freezer. He developed a pet peeve about empty ice cube trays and I never drank  warm beverages again.

6) Once upon a time I taught my kid how to fish. There’s a saying about what happens when you teach a man to fish. What they don’t tell you is that when you teach a five-year-old to fish, he gets excited about providing the protein for dinner.

“Nobody’s going to see me coming. Nobody’s going to hear a sound. No matter how hard they tryin’. No stopping me since I found my inner ninja.”

Parenting is so much easier now that I’m a mom ninja. Even if I don’t have one of those “party in the tub” things.

How are you a mom or dad ninja?