My older brother(unmarried no kids) got a puppy this summer and as I have taught him everything he needs to know about writing and being funny (it was the least I could do as he taught me how to smoke, climb the stairs after curfew without creaking them and lie to mom and dad) I thought I should share his recent story on life with dog.
“After working all week and Friday and Saturday night as well(and recovering from a nasty cold) I decided to go out and do “my loop”. This entails going to the Giante Tigre boutique, the LCBO and Metro. I call it the Loop because it is all one way, and if I go out of order it takes longer to navigate the lights and the one way streets.
I started at Le Giante Tigre (I had a coupon for Puppy Chow) but decided that having the dog and Puppy Chow with me for two more stops would be a concern. Wisely, I proceeded to the LCBO and parked my Jeep as I always do, with the back window facing the front door of the store allowing the dog and me to keep an eye on each other. I bought a six pack of 500ml Heinekin cans and a 4 pack of Bacardi Pink Lemonade coolers.
Sure enough when I walked out of the liquor store the dog was sitting in the back fogging up the window. We had a great reunion and a very short argument about whether I would drive or he would sit in my seat. This happens every time.
Drove to metro and parked car same way, to be sure.
Remembering the dog’s fondness for Bacardi Breezers in plastic bottles (some of you have seen the pictures) – I put all cans and bottle between the seats and lay my coat over top. I looked dog straight in the eye and said “NO. Do Not Touch”. All words he has understood in the past.
Went in bought some Romaine, Chicken and Milk, paid for it and walked out to my car.
My car was not where I had left it parked. With the keys in it. I immediately thought my car had been stolen. Again.
I saw the car going down a slight hill and ran towards it to intersect it before it left the lot.
as I caught up to my Jeep, the dog was in the driver seat with a can of crushed and still foaming beer between his jaws, with that ears forward (some would say almost intelligent) eager to see me look.
I opened the door, yelled at the dog, sat in my soaking seat and applied the brakes. The roof had beer dripping from it and the windshield and driver door were soaking wet. He had ripped apart the brown LCBO bag, the abrade Breezer box, chewed all the lids of the plastic bottles and knocked the car out of gear in the process.
Still wanted to sit on my lap as we drove home.”
dog is available. Come to think of it, brother too. Perhaps a two for one deal.
A dog that drinks my beer?? Fail
Too funny. Thank you, I needed a laugh this morning. I’ll take the dog.
actually, you and my brother would really hit it off- bare minimum you would find each other a riot. Let me know if you want me to set it up!
someone wants the dog but not sure about the doug as they fear the bacardi breezer factor
OMG! Sooooo SO hilarious. I’ll take the dog…not sure about a guy who drinks bacardi breezers??? (kidding!!!!)
Hi Nance – this could be the best “dating service” your big brother has ever had!!!Fingers crossed for him.