I am going to a University reunion tomorrow night of a number of years I find baffling. Five years ago we had one and I was a married brunette. Things have changed a little on both fronts.
When you are married anything goes because you are with whatshisface- when you are divorced you must not look like you have been hit by a bus. Even if you have. You must wear an expression of ecstasy on your face at all times. Otherwise people will say “jesus what happened to her” or “no wonder she is alone”. We must defy gravity, accounting and reality.
It would be nifty to lose ten years between now and then – so I am looking for advice.
Here’s what I have come up with-
I buy shooters for everyone so I look better than I really do.
I wear black from head to toe. It is so slimming although someone might mistake me for a mime artist.
I find the electrical box and kill the lights.
I get a face lift and body lift between now and then.
Any thoughts? I am open to pretty much anything with the exception of my mother’s advice to use hemorroid cream to reduce under the eye bags (whatever happened to ‘you look beautiful to me, dear” ? and how the heck did someone come up with this??? Apparently it is all the rage with models. And we know how bright they are.
What great ideas do you have for me?