(For a good cry listen to the music at the bottom while you read. Neat trick)
A little past 7 this morning, I watched my children walk away from my car with 3 friends in a backdrop of the downtown core and the rising sun. They are all so beautiful with their long hair and long legs and sweet dispositions.
I can’t imagine my daily life without them in it.
I have been a mother for over 16 years. Of all the things I have ever wanted, I wanted this most. When they were little some afternoons went on forever and people would whisper “Enjoy them now, they are only little a short while.” I could not grasp this as each moment was intense and, in a way, long. Their littleness seem to go on forever.
But I have loved every single stage. The little, the middle and the big. They are my babies. I like the chaos and excitement they bring. I feed off of their imaginations, their ability to reinvent themselves because their habits are not so hardwired. I love the way they overcome obstacles, conquer fears and try scary things. I follow their example in my own life so that when we have “bragging moments” at the dinner table, I have something to brag about too. What was my challenge? How did I handle it? I want them to be as proud of me as I am of them.
We are raising each other
So now that the end is indeed in sight- how will my life be without you?
I cannot see a single thing. It scares me a little. Fortunately this is the busiest time of my life so I don’t have much time to think about it. But honestly in the back of mind I have no idea. I just keep working at things to make sure there is enough of every good and wonderful thing in my corner to sustain me and continue to thrill me.
As they are a walking away from me this morning I can hear this song on the radio. Honestly, the people choreographing my life have a way with poetry. Always brilliant to have a good cry.
(I might recommend closing your eyes as the Vid is a little lacking, to say the least)
I have been afraid of changing because I have built my life around you.
are we getting older? I can’t always admit to that one……
I’m a while from this stage too, but I get this. I hate that I’m sometimes wishing away their smallness, to hurry them into the next stages. They ARE only little for such a short time…
I love this song so much. Always have. The lyrics ALWAYS make me cry, for many reasons… and those reasons change as I get older (even children get older…) It’s a classic for a reason. LOVE!
Great post, Village. xox
yes, the quiet. BOO HOO. But you were smart enough to have 4!
I am there – my oldest is in university 6+ hours away. He’s had a few struggles this year, and I hate not being there to help him. I miss him more than I ever thought I would. My second graduates from high school this year, looks like she’ll be moving to a university 12+ hours away, and I can’t bear the thought of having them both gone. Thankfully, I have 2 left at home with me, but even they can’t fill the void, the empty chairs at the supper table, the empty bedrooms at night, the quiet….
Love the song, love the post & will definitely heed the advice.
The songs are Closer to Fine by the Indigo Girls and Lullaby by the Dixie Chicks.
This is still a long way off for me, so it’s easier to say this now, but there are so many things I want to do now that I don’t do because I want to be home with my family, too, that I can see a hundred ways of keeping myself busy once I get there. Not that that means I won’t feel the hole in my emptier house, but I think it will help it be okay.
Of course, even with that thought and the ease of distance, it’s making me a little choke-y anyhow. *snorf*
enjoy erin!
btw, what was the song on your sis’ vid?
you’re killing me too! This song always gets me. I’m a long way away from this stage though and I’m trying to savour these moments.
sara- I believe you that they will be happy years- just very very different. And how – well , I have no idea!!!
dude -you’re killing me with this! (oh and go to youtube and watch Sheryl Crow and Stevie Nicks sing this on oprah the other day – beautiful). anyway – I can’t even contemplate. At least you have girls…we NEVER LEAVE. Boys – they go to their wives houses…:) I asked Will the other day if he’ll stay with me forever – he said yes and my sisters howled with laughter. I will say, I always thought my mom would be lost when we left the nest, we’d been her focus for so long, and she said the years that we were adults out of the house were the happiest ones she’d ever had! Many years to look forward to!
lovely visual, jilly. xoxox
I’m scared too – but also pretty excited. I keep working on things too and opening as many doors as I can now and when I look up and can’t see what’s ahead, I remind myself to trust in my own potential and trust that I have done enough today to set up my future.
I don’t have to listen to the song to cry about this. We were experiencing the same thing this morning Nance, except I was watching boys looking forward to tackling each other on the rugby pitch.