Why can’t my kids act the same around me as they do around everyone else?
Last week, we shipped our sons off to Collingwood, Ontario to spend some quality time with my mother and stepfather, combined with a week at day camp on Blue Mountain. Initially we thought about leaving them with my parents without the camp, but at almost 11 and seven, our boys can be a bit wild, not violent, a bit like peckish piranha, not manic yet, but always on the cusp. Even with the faux stern Grandad and the candy toting Nana, we thought both parties involved might need a distraction for a more successful week away from home.
When with me, I am the lucky recipient of a pizza burp mere inches from my nose.
The camp turned out to be terrific; incorporating most of the experiences I was lucky enough to enjoy and tell Hud about the previous week. But the best part was hearing both Nana and Grandad go on about what great boys they were. Helping with their dishes, taking their ball caps off inside the house (a classic that I remember from my own childhood, always asked if my head was cold by a smirking stepfather), going to bed without a fuss, no sass, not fighting or doing anything remotely wild.
The above picture is what I get. This picture is what my parents get.
What the eff?
Of course the moment I arrived to pick them up on Friday, they started to beat the crap out of each other, sassing me, generally acting out to the surprise of my parents. Day and night my mother mentioned, the difference between how they acted with and without my influence.
I am sure this is natural behaviour, naturally unfair behaviour. But I don’t get it; I hear the same thing from other parents about how polite and gracious my boys are when they are with them.
Are your kids angels or devils when you are away? Or consistent no matter who they are with?
I used to fret over this too, until I read an interesting article years ago. It reassured me that well-adjusted children will behave like angels at school/babysitter/grandparents/neighbours, etc. but will act out at home. This is normal and it’s because they feel safe in your presence and can let down their guard.
It’s when they are always in-line at home but act out at school, etc. that you have to be worried. Because then it means they’re more afraid of mom or dad than they are of their teacher/babysitter/friend’s parent, etc.
So take heart that you’re obviously doing it right, even if it is discouraging to know you’re always likely to get the worst of what your kids have to offer. Just wait for those words of praise from others and bask in the warm glow of pride. If they are awesome elsewhere, it’s at least partly down to you.
That just means you’re doing it right! Could imagine if they were horrible with other people and great for you? Besides, you guys always say equally good things about Thomas who is clearly a master demon… 😉
I get that too from grandma/pa…I’m always wondering if they are telling me the truth. lol The kids are good enough but they can get on each other’s nerves and bicker. Hmmm. Or do we read them the riot act enough that they do behave better in front of others?