Prior to having my first child, I was an early childhood educator. In my classroom I had this piece written by Emily Perl Kingsley printed off and hung on cupboard.
Many special needs parents are familiar with it. I loved the message. Still do. And it helped get me through some dark periods. As did blogging. I have blogged for about 5yrs now. I started right around the time that my son was diagnosed and we were being immersed into a world I didn’t want to be in.
When I started my blog all those years ago, I thought I needed a witty, catchy name like all the other mommy bloggers. But my creativity was waning at that time so I chose Sometimes Holland Feels Like Hell.
“Welcome To Holland” was the inspiration for the name of it. I don’t want anyone to think that I am casting a negative light on autism or special needs. However, I also don’t sugar coat things. Yes Holland is a beautiful place. My son is a beautiful boy with SO many wonderful gifts that I’m not sure we’d have without the autism. Like I said in my previous post – my life might be easier without autism but I doubt it would be better.
Because of autism, we now find the greatest joy in the simplest of things. Our perspective is very different than that of so many of our friends.
So while there are many wonderful and postive things that have come from our son having this diagnosis I can’t fool myself into thinking it’s all sunshine and roses. I also didn’t want other moms to feel guilty about not loving the path that we are on. It’s ok to be mad and sad and frustrated. Some days it is hell.
To see him struggle everyday with sensory issues that we know make his life very difficult. To not be able to get his haircut or trim his nails without it seemingly torturing him.
To see all the other 7 yr olds playing hockey, riding a bike, swimming…my son cannot do any of these things (yet). To have him screaming for 4hrs straight because I will not relent and give him that bag of skittles. To have to listen to The Wiggles for 3 straight years (ugh). To not be able to go on a family trip because he can only sleep in his bed. To struggle with his diet everyday.
And I haven’t even touched on the financial burden.
Yes – “Holland” is a beautiful place with so many wonderful things – but sometimes, just sometimes it is the last place I’d choose to be.
I want the name of the blog to represent the reality of my life…and hopefully not portray a negative tone towards the disorder. Keep reading and I promise there will be alot to smile about!
Christine,
I know this is an old post but I had to comment. When I read this I printed the poem and hung it on the wall in my classroom. I gave a copy to a mother with a child in my class who has cerbral palsy and hearing loss. What an amazing poem to help other people understand, just a little, what it’s like to have a child with a disability.
Christine you sound like an amazing mom! I can’t wait to read more about your life!!! God Bless you and your family!
Thanks Christine for explaining the name of your blog! I must admit that I didn’t understand it at first, now it makes perfect sense.
What a beautiful little boy. Looking forward to reading more of your blog.
I think we all appreciate the honesty — it’s a refreshing change from the ‘let’s make everything look good on the surface’ approach so many people have. What a BEAUTIFUL picture of you two!
OMG, Christine, what an amazing poem. I totally get it now. Thank you for letting us in on your life in Holland and shedding light on the reality of raising a special needs child.