It’s Mother’s Day weekend! Oh I’m sure you knew that from the usual bombardment of advertising and commercials…all designed to make us weep and get emotional. (Don’t they know I’m like that 365 days a year). For the last 15 years, I’ve found Mother’s Day so difficult, not having my mother. The last seven have been far better being a mom myself but I still wasn’t a fan.
This year? I’m not sure. It’s like a switch has been flipped. I’m really fine with it. I’m excited for Sunday and my day with my boy. I’m not sitting with a pit in my stomach missing my mom, aching for her like I have in the past. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her in one way or another but I seemed to have turned some corner. Like I always do, I felt the need to sit down and think about why. And I think I know. I feel like I’ve come into my own a bit as a mom this year and maybe that explains it.
Six months or so ago, my sister moved to London, Ontario. For the last 15 years,we’ve been joined at the hip. For my time with Will, she’s been a constant. She was a co-parent who didn’t live with us. I knew she was never more than 15 minutes away even if we didn’t see each other for a week at a time, which rarely happened. Now there’s two hours between us and while I know if Will ended up in the hospital she’d be here in two hours and five minutes (well like an hour and a half), for the first time, I feel like I’m truly doing this myself.
I saw a medium at the end of last summer who said my life was a bit on hold. She said I was waiting for my sister to move for a slew of things to happen. (Oh did I mention that we didn’t know she was moving yet…uh huh..she was good!) She said it would be terribly sad for both of us, which I think it has been at times, but that we both needed the distance to grow. I think she was right (about a TON of things). I know I’ve grown this past year. I’m excited for the future and just really happy. The crux? I truly became a mom and at the same time released my sister from having to co-parent Will and more importantly, mother me. It’s not a role she asked for and she may debate that she’s filled it, but she has.
Let’s not go crazy here and let her think she’s off the hook. But I think we’re back to the big sister/little sister dynamic which is what it should be. She’s stuck with that for life. And Will has the most incredible aunt, who he misses like crazy. And I am his only parent. His mom. And I can’t wait to celebrate that with him this weekend.
I hope all of you amazing moms, especially my sisters, have a great day. For my friends who have lost their moms this year, I promise you, it will get easier. Never the same but easier.
Now get out and celebrate! Sleep in on Sunday! (Well, some of us should – the downfall of that only parent thing).