Once a year, my girls and I get together and visit a psychic. Okay, a numerologist. We road trip it and go out for dinner and share all of her findings. I love the day for the fun of it and just to be with the girls. They are a second home to me.
We haven’t seen each other in ages. Life gets in the way of that doesn’t it? I’ve been SO looking forward to twenty-four hours straight hours with them. And it was awesome. The laughs. The hugs. The catching up. The solving of the worlds problems. Amazing. If you don’t have those friends that you can just ‘be’ with, I highly recommend finding some.
We saw a different psychic this time. We saw her alone, usually we’re all piled around the table together. Each of us spent 45 minutes with her. It was really interesting. Very different than our past experiences.
She got to me. She’s been making me think. Her big thing? My fear of relationships. Of trust. Of losing control. At the end of our session she said, ‘Sara it’s amazing to me. You have this awesome aura of openness. So many people in your life. So much love. And then I mention marriage or soulmate or a relationship and it all goes away.’
Who slipped her the notes that I’ve been single for 12 years?
Hmmm. Who slipped her the notes that I’ve been single for 12 years? Who told her that I sabotage. That I give people nicknames as opposed to giving them a chance. That I choose men that I know there won’t be a future in.
Then she expanded and said, ‘this isn’t just romantic relationships Sara. Think about work. Do you do everything yourself because you don’t trust others to do it right? Because you have to control it all?’ Oooh you’re good lady. You. Are. Good.
The last time someone told me to give up control was when my doula explained that I’d have no control over Will’s arrival. She said to let go and let him take over. And you know what? It was a pretty good experience. A very good one.
So maybe it’s time. Time to loosen the reins. Time to knock some bricks down from the wall. Time to let go of the control. Time to trust. It won’t happen over night but having a goal of doing it is a start right?
That night, after an amazing dinner, we hit up midnight madness and did some shopping. I saw this charm with a fleur-de-lis on it. I was psyched. Will had lost mine recently so this was the perfect replacement. Then next to it, I saw a little number 4 charm. My favourite number. I grabbed it too. As I was paying for it, I turned it over.
And there it was.
Are you a believer yet?