Parenting—it really can be a joy! But it can also feel like you are trapped in a small room with a Tasmanian Devil and you’ve run out of snacks so now what are you supposed to do?
May I suggest taking a breath and realizing you are not alone? There are millions of people all over the world who are just like you. They too are trapped in a room with one (or two or three or who knows how many) ravenous Tassie Devils looking for a way to escape with all their fingers.
And a fair few of those parents are taking the time while they still have all ten fingers to send hilarious tweets about their journey through madness that is parenting. Thank goodness for that because when you find yourself trapped with that toddler or tween or Tasmanian Devil, a little laughter might be just what you need to get you through.
Here are our picks for the best parenting tweets of 2015.
When the Pinterest-pressure is too real:
Sorry you haven’t had lunch at school yet this week sweetie, I’m still trying to get it to look just like the picture on Pinterest.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 26, 2015
When you want to dream big:
As a parent, 90% of my daydreams are just my kids actually responding when I say their names. — Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) October 13, 2015
When you kid’s dream is even loftier than yours:
3yo: Look a dancing coffee cup. 6yo: It’s a person. They get paid for that. 3yo: I want to be a coffee cup when I grow up. Thanks Dunkin.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) May 27, 2015
On the joys of motherhood:
On the intricacies of gender relations:
Overheard my husband telling my daughter, “You have to find just the right man.” Walked in the room & realized they were building Lego cars.
— Amy Shearn (@amyshearn) January 4, 2015
When you finally find that silver lining:
Another surprise benefit of having a baby is using my new swaddling skills to roll a tight, tight burrito. — mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 24, 2015
On double standards:
No, you can’t have candy for breakfast. Don’t be silly. Now be quiet and let me finish my peppermint mocha frappuccino.
— John Lyon (@JohnLyonTweets) February 26, 2015
When you just want some peace and quiet:
Marathons are proof that parents are willing to do just about anything to get a few hours of peace and quiet. — ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) May 6, 2015
On time management:
There’s no time like the present. Unless you have kids, then there’s just no time.
— YKIHAYHT (@YKIHAYHT) September 10, 2015
When you kid says what we’re all thinking:
Is Taylor Swift a real person or does she just live in my radio? –burning questions from my 4yo — CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) August 24, 2015
On being a good parent:
Remember, the only way to not screw up your kid is to maintain eye contact with them for their entire life without once blinking.
— Mike Reynolds (@PuzzlingPostDad) July 23, 2015
On traveling with kids:
By “family vacation,” I mean the horrific hostage situation I recently endured in a filthy minivan and a series of cramped hotel rooms. — Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) April 6, 2015
When you reach those important milestones:
Aw, new milestone: The first time you hear your kids say, “guess what a female dog is called…”
— Liz Gumbinner (@Mom101) April 28, 2015
When the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree:
My Son’s kindergarten teacher said my son lacks focus, so I started laughing really hard and said, “Did you catch Conan last night?” — Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) March 26, 2015
Because we can still relate to pop culture:
In my daydreams, I’m often Daenerys Targaryen mostly because a cadre of dragon kids seem like they’d be easier to manage than my human ones.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) April 1, 2015
Even if we’ve never actually seen said pop culture:
I didn’t see Fast & Furious over the weekend, but I drove a toddler home on the brink of sleep an hour past naptime, so I got the gist of it — The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) April 6, 2015
When career counselling starts early:
Me: Were you good at daycare? 4-year-old: What do you mean by “good?” I’m raising a lawyer.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 24, 2015
On romance after kids:
Having kids is like bringing a third wheel along on every date you’ll ever have for the rest of your life. If that third wheel were a hyena. — Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 24, 2015
When you realize what a true nightmare is:
Minion 2 keeps screaming, “No Caillou!” in his sleep. I can only imagine what circle of hell he is dreaming of.
— MuSuBi (@MuSuBi19) June 22, 2015
When you realize you still have the upper hand… kind of:
Pretty sure my kids are plotting to kill me. Good thing they are tiny, horrible at planning things, and have 0 follow through. Good luck! — Stevie Kinnear (@bigawesomemess) April 2, 2015