Things have been tough recently. Most of you know this. Yet in the middle of all of this there are some beautiful things. Like my friend Karen dropping over dinner and wine or Katie sitting with me while I cried or my kids’ teachers and school principal offering support or a fellow hockey mom, Daphne – who I barely know – dropping over a bag full of food. These gestures are perfect little gifts that I hold on to. They prevent me from completely getting lost in all of this.
Recently I found support where I least expected it – on Facebook. I have a lot of friends on Facebook who I "know" through networking. I have met some amazing women who run their own businesses but I don’t really know them personally. But online communities make some of your personal life public. So as my Facebook updates and blog posts provide a window into my life I found support from a fellow Facebooker, Anne. I met Anne because she runs the website www.mississaugakids.com. The first message I got from Anne went like this:
I’ve been lurking on you website and been unable to comment. It is all
just too close to home for me. I risk too much bubbling up to the
surface…
Just try to be like Dory in Finding Nemo…Just keep swimming! Just keep swimming! Cherish each wonderful terrible moment.
Hoping all turns out well.
Anne
You gotta love a woman who quotes Dory! This was perfect. Exactly what I needed. Then today I got this in response to my "Jennifer is tired. So tired." update on Facebook:
I know your tired…
I remember this so vividly.
Every part of my body and mind ached. I especially remember my jaw. It was constantly clenched. I would try to yawn and wiggle it to stretch it to try to loosen the muscles in my face but it would just be all locked up again in minutes.
I could not even attend a yoga class since I just could not begin to think about making my mind still. The more I tried to the more it would race. I just had to keep busy with "stuff" to keep going.
I remember trying to sleep but tossing and turning instead. When I finally drifted off the sleep provided very little rest. I must have been struggling even then with it all. I would wake up and feel like I had been crying for hours. My jaw and fists would be clenched. My body ached like it had been in a fight.
Then, with no real rest, we continue to press on through our day. Life goes on around us. How is that possible that our world is turned upside down but the garbage still needs to be taken to the curb and the parent council is still meeting Tuesday night?
You are so wonderfully blessed to be able to be with your mom. My parents do not live near, so it was especially tough. Cherish these moments.
I’m attaching a photo of my mom and I on the beach. This was the last day we were able to go to the beach together.
I’ve never actually told anybody this before but I’m crying in this photo despite the smile. Dark glasses hide the real emotion. Sometimes burying it is what you do to get through each terrible wonderful moment.
Anne
Anne and her mom, Karen.
Thanks to Anne and to all my friends, both virtual and real-life.
We can really see your own excitement within the work you are writing. The world can perform with more zealous authors as if you that aren’t scared to say that they feel. Always pursue your own heart.
I just wanted to leave a quick comment to thank you for your post! I really like your blog site!!! Would you mind terribly if I put up a backlink from my site to your site? Keep up the great work!
the internet is truly a wonderful and powerful place.
wow. this post. and these words from Anne have truly blown me away.
Hugs, Jen. Hugs and more hugs.
What an inspiring post. And, one that has made me reflect on the power of online social networking tools. Just this morning I was cursing Facebook and had grown so tired of reading endless status updates like “…is waiting for the kettle to boil” or “…thinks I look so hot today”. I felt like removing myself entirely just to avoid those pointless updates or making my own status read “get a life, people!”
But your post here reminded me that there have been so many instances (*so* many) where a friend has had something really troubling going on or something special to share. In those moments, I really treasure being “in” on it while it’s going on.
I would never have otherwise known that a very dear friend is dealing with some really difficult days during his chemo, or that another friend was at the emergency room wondering what to do with her very ill daughter while she waited 6 hours to see a doctor. I felt lucky to be able to respond immediately to them and offer what support I could from afar. Not a lot, but at the very least I could be there to listen and offer something positive.
All this to say, wow. It’s amazing that you have discovered such tremendous support (online and off) and, from what others are saying here, it’s mostly because you’re a person who a lot of people care about. That, in itself, is a wonderful thing.
Been scrolling through your posts tonight, the first time I’ve had a few minutes to myself in a few weeks. First I have to laugh, since Mara ALSO wanted to be a dead business(wo)man for Halloween. How is that she and J came up with the same idea? I thought it was the weirdest thing I’d ever heard, and then…:-)! Second, I have been thinking about you and your family and just wanted you to know that. When we passed in the street last week, both out with our dads, we didn’t get a chance to stop, and I wanted to say I am sorry you are going through this. And glad that in the midst of everything, there are times and reasons to laugh, and people to do that with.
I agree with Amreen, you attract good people with your goodness.
I remember the physical and psychological stress and exhaustion that afflicts the family of people fighting cancer. For me it was the muscles of my back constantly clenching and unclenching. It still do it sometimes. This caused a lot of back pain. The lack of restful sleep, the fear, and yet, as Anne says, the sun still rises (how can that be?) and we still have things we have to do, and we do it, we get through another day. Sometimes I still struggle to get though another day (and I know my mom and dad do also) but here I am, writing this post. This is really the first time I’ve expressed any of this out loud (in cyberspace or real space). Enjoy having everyone together this Christmas, I hope that I can find a way to see you.
Love Erin
that’s an incredible post, jen. The best part about blogging, for me, has been the relationships formed with amazing women out there whom, without this medium, i never would have encountered. Also, you have an abundance of warmth, energy and compassion for others – for that reason,people and love are drawn to you, digitally and otherwise.