“I want my mommeeeee!”
Lately, this statement has been heard routinely in the hallways and bedrooms of my house. It is usually accompanied by sobbing wails of sadness, violent acts of anger and intense pleas for justice.
And with this lament comes the inevitable. At a little over two years old, Pea has officially renounced her father as a demon man, capable of such horrible cruelties as tickle attacks, unconditional love, and here’s the kicker, standing firm and denying her the things she wants.
Ok, I am exaggerating. Pea feels this way approximately 2% of the time. Usually at bedtime. The rest of the time we are the best of buds, but for that 2% of the time, she can’t stand to be with me.
Not to worry, fair readers, I know exactly what’s going on and I am not phased in the least.
What is going on, you ask? In the words of Yo Gabba Gabba’s DJ Lance Rock, let’s break it down.
I’ve spoken to this in past posts, but I have proven myself far more intolerant of Pea’s shenanigans than my wife has. To my wife, Pea is still a curious little adventurer. She feels that Pea should be allowed to roam free – closely monitored of course – to explore her surroundings and learn the ways of life on her own.
I, on the other hand, have seemingly entered into the role of museum keeper. It is, in my eyes, incredibly important that Pea not touch the things she ought not touch and not do the things she ought not do. After all, “The appearance of law must be upheld, especially when it’s being broken.” (Boss Tweed, Gangs of New York, great film)
Now, in fairness, this isn’t reality at all. My wife and I are equally vigilant when it comes to keeping Pea from doing ‘bad’ things. I don’t want you thinking that my wife lets Pea swan dive off the mantle onto a couch covered in thumb tacks, because she doesn’t.
Rather, it appears Pea has come to view me as the more unforgiving of her two parents. And as we all know, perception is reality.
I’m not going to lie. Having Pea insist so adamently for my wife instead of me hurts. A lot. But I know this is a phase that will pass.
Instead of getting upset, I am choosing to use this as an opportunity to reinforce with Pea that what I say goes… that it is very important that she listen to my advice, and that she recognize that I mean what I say and that I will not waiver.
I know that there will come a time when Pea will only want me, thinking she will have a better chance to push the envelope with me than with my wife. At that time, my wife will have the same opportunity I have now to reinforce the importance of listening.
And when that time comes, and my wife confirms with Pea that her mommy and daddy are in charge, the next 13-17 years will be a piece of cake.
Right? What?
Shawn,
I was hoping my husband would comment on this post, maybe he still will (he’s forgetful about these things).
I’ve been the preferred parent since the girls were born. Now that they can articulate it, it’s Mommmmmmmeeeeee, Mommmeeeee. It’s not because he is the tougher disciplinarian it’s just the way it is at this stage.
And it does hurt, even though he knows they love him.
Their latest thing is that they don’t like boys, so they have to reconcile that idea with loving their father. It’s kind of funny but not funny if you know what I mean.
I’m with Karbyn on the discipline thing. Choose your battles, think about it before you engage in the power struggle (It took me a long time to learn this – at school, teaching), no one like to be forced to do anything. Also, consider her developmental stage, it’s totally normal and necessary to push boundaries at 2.
And remember, she loves you.
“… that it is very important that she listen to my advice, and that she recognize that I mean what I say and that I will not waiver. ”
Pea will only ever listen to your advice when she wants to. Not anytime else.
“I dunno”, said Arthur. “I forget what I was taught. I only remember what I’ve learnt.” – TH White
I wise woman (no, not my mother, or HER mother … basically a woman I only knoew for 1 month while she was a temp) once told me, while we were expecting our first, that her only advice on parenting was “Pick the hills you will die on. Everything else is negotiable”. Her hills were safety, nutrition, and education. I may have a few more than that, but I am working hard to negoitate on the more superfluous ones.
But that is hard when:
– the 11yr old throws a silent tantrum and retreats when we perceives himself at all on my bad side or doesn’t get his way when he actually things he should (which is not all the time)
– the only thing the 9ys old thinks about is sugar/candy/chocolate and how to get more. Sneak it, hide it, savor it, hoard it, save it.
– the 5yr old will not go to bed. To the point of hating me, and wanting her mom. (“I hate you daddy. Where’s mommy”)
And that’s only internal household issue #1 for each. And then don’t even get me started on the lack of support I feel on negotiating these points with my wife.
Sigh. It is not easy being a parent. Nevermind a father.
Here what I know from being a mother for almost ten years and from being a daughter for, um, 28 (32…but who is counting?!?!). There are times when my children prefer me, there are times when my children prefer my husband, there are times when I WISH they would prefer my husband. AND, there will be a time when I wish they would prefer me, because sometime soon they will be teenagers and won’t even look in my direction because the mere sight of me will embarrass them.
BUT, I know they love me, no matter who they prefer at any given time.
As long as you are loving her…do not worry about it. STOP STRESSING.
Oh, I soooooo know how that goes. And it feels like a particularly hard kick in the crotch when you’ve spent your whole day with the Small, tending, feeding, fending… and the other parent comes home, gets the ear-splitting squeal of JOY! You’re HOME!! and Bad Parent gets shoved aside and left to tidy up the dishes and stuff. Nice. I know.
Le sigh.
Be patient. Daddy will soon be the light of her life.
You may want to start limbering up for the finger wrapping exercise.