Happy New Year! As the resident “fitness expert” at urbanmoms.ca, I have decided this year to focus more on writing about my life as a newly single mom and relate that to wellness rather than focusing solely on exercises. Writing this blog has really helped me to heal and the support I have received has been overwhelming…thank you.
I used to worry a lot about how my relationships were going to change when we separated. I’ve known my husband’s family for over 30 years. They are so much a part of my life now – I couldn’t imagine life without them. So not only did they show up at my place for Christmas but they were beyond wonderful. My ex-husband’s sister bought 4 plane tickets for me and the boys to fly to LA to visit them over New Years. They knew Christmas was going to be tough for the kids and they wanted to usher in 2008 on a high note. They dragged us to Disneyland, Malibu beach (where they filmed Baywatch!) and treated us like royalty.
Christmas helped me realize that I will always have a relationship with my in-laws – that no matter what, they still love me and the boys. I worried myself sick wondering if I would lose them too but those fears have been put to rest. That was the best gift ever.
Lately, my best days are the ones where I wake up in the morning and tell myself its going to be a good day. My worst days are those days I feel sorry for myself (and I have my fair share of those). But when I put out positive energy, I always seem to get it back.
Checklist
1. Accept help from others. Admit you can’t do it all and let others help you. It makes people feel good.
2. Schedule time for yourself. Whether it’s first thing in the morning or right before bed, you must make the time to reflect. Our lives are so busy with activities and responsibilities, it’s easy to forget about ourselves.
3. Be fully present. Make the most of each day.
4. Cherish your friendships.
5. Love your kids.
6. Eat healthy foods. Do cardio. Weight train.
7. Read.
8. Think about how lucky you are. There will always be people with more than you…but you cannot buy self-esteem…or good health.
9. Feel sexy. We may be mothers but we are still women!
10. Accept yourself – the good and the bad. If you don’t love yourself, you are no good to anyone else.
I struggle everyday to stay positive. It’s not always easy. But the more I do it, the easier it becomes. As a personal trainer, I fixate on the physical. As I get older, I realize that total wellness is the whole picture: physical AND emotional well being.
Since our thoughts control our emotions, our thoughts are powerful. Starting the day with positive thoughts enhances the quality of our lives…and as a result, makes us happier, healthier people. So set aside at least a few minutes each morning to contemplate the kind of day you want to have. Try it – it works.
I am a personal trainer. But first and foremost, I am a mom. As scary as it is right now, I have hope that the future will be brighter for the four of us. And hopefully the good days will start to outnumber the bad ones.
Be good to yourselves.
Disclaimer
The way to optimal health is to combine good sensible nutrition with consistent strength training and cardiovascular exercise. Consult with a physician before embarking on a new exercise plan. Stop immediately if you feel any pain while doing these exercises.
Your words will give so many women the courage to leave a bad relationship. So many women are sending you well wishes for happiness. Getting on with the getting on.
thank you for sharing so candidly what must be such a hard time for you.
Good on you.
Thanks for those inspiring words! I was so touched about the actions of your in-laws – obviously they love you very much. Good luck with this journey and your kids are lucky to have a mom with such great perspective.
What an inspiring article! So great to hear from people who are not afraid to share their personal story in their work to help other people. Makes it so much more real. I love the idea of deciding what kind of day we would like to have. It is very much within our power to choose. But, that is not to say that we should push all our negative emotions to the side. Living in a false positive state is just as bad as being negative. It is just in disguise! Sometimes we can bring ourselves out of the negative mood with positive thoughts and inspiration and sometimes the negative mood is happening for a reason.We need to pay closer attention to what is going on for us in that moment without running away from it and painting it all with the positive brush. I compare it with putting a new coat of paint on a house that has been through a rough earthquake. It might look and seem better for a time but the underlying issues will eventually cause problems. Don’t get me wrong, I totally aplaud your bravery and your decision not to let the negative take over your life when it would be so easy to do so. My point is simply to allow for ALL emotions while choosing to focus on what is good in your life. To read more on this topic I have written an article about being Perpetually Positive. I hope it is OK to share the link here. Please let me know if this is frowned apon!
http://www.InspirituLife.com
Thanks for the great advice and checklist. It also applies to moms who are not single and step-moms. I usually take a few minutes in the morning to plot my day like a war general, but this morning I am going to think about what kind of day I would like to have, thank you.