As many of you know, my dad is in a long term care facility for late stages of Lewy Body Dementia. I went to see him yesterday and I thought about something that has occurred to me several times over the last year. For those of you who dont know me I love him and I HATE this and that likely goes without saying but worth saying in case you find this bizarre- but at times I feel like
He has taken one for the team
When someone you love so much gets sick- really sick- no turning back sick, they show you in a million ways
~what you are made of
~what you need to work on
~how beautiful, loving, strong and up to the task your whole family is
~how people really close to them reveal beautiful sides to themselves not seen before
~ how the person who is unwell shows a dignity and grace that is breathtaking and sets an example normally not available
~how the children in that family become so educated in compassion- fight for your life compassion-
all through their illness
(where would we have otherwise learned all this?)
A nurse at his facility paid my mom a huge compliment recently- she said “your family is incredible, they are just themselves around your husband, loving, funny, fun, affectionate, adoring”
You know that feeling when you are in the hospital and it is awful and scary and then for a minute it is beautiful too because you realize that nothing else matters.
everything else in the world just falls away
When his only words are “I love you” and they come out perfectly each time over and over you realize there really are no other words at the end of the day.
He is taking one for the team
I know this idea is a stretch but I am trying to find the beautiful in the so awful.
I know and I am so sorry. I understand you were very brave. xxxn
BEEN THERE….DONE THAT—-IT STILL HURTS…
oh that is a very good quote, anne. I think I remember he is a doctor? He would know for sure.
Nancy, it is really hard to have a loved one so ill with dementia. My dad always says that it’s tough coming into this world and even harder going out. I am sure that he gets so much comfort from your visits.
Nancy, I can only imagine how hard this is. Loss is always painful, but when it is slow, everybody suffers. Your family sounds amazingly strong, enjoy every second, he knows you are all there in his heart!!
My mom has told me for as long as I can remember that out of all her children, I’ll be the one to take care of her. Along the years she’s given me specific instructions on how to deal with just about everything. But until something does happen, it’s easy to shirk it off.
When my dad hit 80, all I could think was that both his parents had died at 88. He’s healthy and happy, but if this is my countdown, I’m going to make every moment count.
I commend you for your strength, your attitude and for sharing.
grumble- I have not read/heard anything about your mother in law’s struggle – how is she?
Megan- thank you for this. I can’t imagine what it was like for you to lose people when you were so young.
yes ferocious but also the slow and steady creep of nothingness. Ferocious sounds fast and this is not fast is it?
I’m so sorry this is happening, Nancy… but I’m glad you’re trying to keep this perspective on a crappy situation you cannot change or erase. I’m sending you love and hugs and kisses, and wine. Whatever you need, sistah. xox
Nancy, you are bang on. Your gift is that you recognize it and can embrace the experience.
Hugs to you Nancy – big giant hugs. I totally and completely get what you’re saying – and it’s not a stretch in my humble opinion. And they’re totally taking it for the team in every way but that’s why we loved them so much in the first place isn’t it?
My mom’s paliative care doctor also commented on how funny our family was and how we all maintained that (including my mom) through her whole illness….You have to.
You have to be able to find beauty in the horrid. I once said to someone that the second my mom took her last breath was the best and worst moment in my life – I knew that I would never experience anything worse…and that I had survived…so what is there to be scared of anymore – it was freeing.
Hang in there my friend – comfort in your amazing family – and know we’re all here…dementia is ferocious.