When I became a mom for the first time six years ago my world was turned upside down. I was a very anxious mom to be – I worried about breast feeding, I worried about sleep. I worried, worried and worried some more until I woke up with a baby in my arms and my tummy cut open by emergency c-section.
I couldn’t sleep in the hospital and I couldn’t sleep when I got home. I begged to stay in hospital but my husband said I would be okay. I had my first panic attack when I was in my bed with the baby I brought home beside me in a bassinet. I did what I could to feed him but the nurses had me scared about cluster feeding because my son would not stay awake while I breast fed him. I was completely, absolutely freaked out. I wet his face with a face cloth to keep him awake. I undressed him in a exhausted state trying to keep him awake so that he would eat enough.
Somehow, I made it through that night – longest night of my life with massive anxiety. If I had seen this video six years ago I would have felt less alone. Postpartum depression sucks but I survived. Six years later I have 2 beautiful boys and fantastic mom wisdom under my belt. I feel braver now. I hope new moms watch this video.
What wisdom do you have to share? Please share it with the freaked out new mommies of the world. 🙂
Hi Judy
Thank you for sharing your story with others – I think it is so important to tell others what we have gone through so we can all feel less alone as parents. Glad to hear that life continues only to get better re comments in your fifties…
Great post Leigh.
I had really severe post partum as well. I wanted to put my son back where he came from! I remember calling my friend in France and talking/crying for an hour about how I had made the biggest mistake of my life -guilt guilt guilt. Today, I can’t imagine life without my kids. They bring me so much joy, countless challenges, and have truly helped to make me the person I am today. I love them with all my heart!
By the way….your fifties will be even better!
Loved the post Leigh, and the video. I think all moms to be should see it.
Alison, Sara and Erin – thank you so much for taking the time to comment on the post. I did receive treatment for at least a year after it happened and I still occasionally see a therapist if I am feeling too much anxiety – new transitions are never easy for me. Like starting a business – LOL .
My best advice to new moms out there is to follow your instincts and never be afraid to ask for help. I also find that I am more willing to share my life story now more freely because I have had kids – I figure I have been pooped on, embarrassed in public and still feel confident. Motherhood has made me more confident and certainly more of the person I knew I could always be. I hear your forties are also great for that (which is around the corner for me).
Leigh, thank you so much for sharing your story, the video and your kind words.
Feeling alone has to be the hardest part of being a new mom, especially with your first.
Your children are very blessed to have such a wonderful mom.
Thank you for being you 🙂
I love this video…and sadly, I volunteered to be in it but then got called to a meeting….
I think my card would have said, ‘ it’s okay not to love motherhood off the hop…you will cherish it soon enough.’
Great video. I recognized Heather in there!
I love them all but especially “Millions of parents have survived sleep deprivation”. I really did not think I would, but I did (barely).
I hope you got the support you needed with post partum, I know it’s hard to seek out help when you’re struggling (and even if you do it’s somtimes hard to find it).
I remember the cluster feeding, it was brutal. Luckily I knew to expect it because I had read Jack Newman’s Guide to Breastfeeding when I was pregnant.
Thanks for sharing.