This. This is by far the most difficult thing we’ve done with Cuyler.
We’ve made dietary changes with him before. Going gluten and dairy free was tough. But he ate the foods that we were able to switch over to.
With grain free – those fallback foods are off limits. I never before felt like I was depriving him. I do now.
I thought prepping him last week, talking about it and writing different things on the calendar would help.
But it has not.
Most of my time spent with him this week has been him screaming at me for the foods that he can’t have. It is mentally/emotionally draining.
Maybe this is a good thing? Maybe he is in something of a detox?
Maybe this is a good thing? Maybe he is in something of a detox?
Monday he sat in the back of Sean’s truck kicking the back of the front seat, screaming and wailing that he needed grains. “I’m sorry mom!! I’m not grain free!”
Monday night I sat on the couch and cried, wondering how I was going to get through this.
Monday night I sat on the couch and cried, wondering how I was going to get through this.
Tuesday morning he refused the only source of protein he gets – turkey bacon. And refused his supplements. I met my friend at the gym after I dropped the kids off at school. I sat in her truck and cried before going inside.
Tuesday night, after refusing all of the food that I spent the afternoon preparing he lay on the kitchen floor kicking the freezer screaming, demanding french fries.
Tuesday night, after refusing all of the food that I spent the afternoon preparing he lay on the kitchen floor kicking the freezer screaming, demanding french fries.
Yesterday morning he crawled into my bed an immediately started crying for the pizza that he is not allowed to have at school.
Before the day even began. It started.
I reached out to our naturopath for support. Called the office and when the secretary told me she could call me Monday…I lost it. Lost my temper. Lost my composure. Monday is not good enough – I need help NOW. I apologized for my outburst. She was lovely and told me she’d get back to me that day.
Before the day even began. It started.
I reached out to our naturopath for support. Called the office and when the secretary told me she could call me Monday…I lost it. Lost my temper. Lost my composure. Monday is not good enough – I need help NOW. I apologized for my outburst. She was lovely and told me she’d get back to me that day.
This week has been reminding me of when I suffered depression several years ago.
Not wanting to get out of bed. Not wanting to deal with what I had to deal with. Feeling dread. Feeling completely overwhelmed with the day ahead. Crying all the time. Just because.
Feeling sorry for myself because I can’t get my kid to eat.
Feeling angry because it feels like everything is hard with him.
I want to enjoy him and I am not. Any interaction right now with him consists of him being angry with me and my being frustrated with him.
What I have learned is this week:
- never start a new protocol with him the week I have PMS
- never start a new protocol with him the week of the full moon
- when the full moon and PMS collide – nothing good happens
- I’ll save my money and make pancakes out of dirt next time instead of the little $12 bag of almond flour
- buying a three pack of easter cream eggs doesn’t solve my problems but they sure make me feel good for as long as it takes to eat
all three ofthem - nothing is off limits as far as annoying me goes. Friends facebook status’s, my twitter feed, commercials…even that Maxwell House kid who likes everything is annoying me this week. Shut up, kid.
I have no idea if what we are doing is going to give us the results we are go hoping for – less rigidity, more flexibility, more open palate, better nutrition.
No idea. If someone could guarantee me that pushing through all the tough stuff would give him a better quality of life I would do it as long as I had to.
But we have no idea. Will we – all of us as a family – have to go through this only to end up exactly where we were when we started?
I guess if I didn’t have the hope that good things will eventually come I wouldn’t even try it. So until I give up that hope I must plug on.
Breathe deep to make it through the rough moments.
I guess if I didn’t have the hope that good things will eventually come I wouldn’t even try it. So until I give up that hope I must plug on.
Breathe deep to make it through the rough moments.
It won’t be like this forever.
here we all are, right behind you. unfortunately all we can do is give you words but you can do this for him! big hugs!
S*%t! I wish I was there for you right now (also, I’d help you eat Easter cream eggs, you know, take the load off)
So, it is easier when we sleep train them because we know why we are doing it and we (usually) are sure of a better outcome and more routine around sleep. BUT, sleep training is emotionally draining and tough love as a parent. THIS….hmmmm…..All I can say is it is evidence of your mama bear courage and f*#k up attitude to obstacles. You are starting this bear in the eye.
I know what it costs you not only financially but physically, emotionally and spiritually. Easter creams eggs just don’t cut it, hey?
Good for you for demanding help – like that second. No one should be left on that battlefield alone – EVER!
Sending love your way, sister! You are awesome and strong but have taken one too many hits lately. I wish it wasn’t this way XOXOXOXOXOXO
I was going to message you yesterday to ask how things were going… uch, Christine. I’m so sorry this is all so tough. I wish SO HARD for this to get easier for you. Full moon and PMS are freaking killer in the same week anyway (ask me how I know) and from what you’re describing… I can’t even. I’m sending lovelovelove, and hope for an easier tomorrow. xox
Oh dude. I’m so sorry. I was wondering how it was going. I don’t even know what to say except we’re all here for you!!!!!!
Christine, I am so sorry things feel so crappy right now. So so sorry.